Setting Things Right
by Lesera128
Summary: His last conversation with Allie having left him entirely displeased over the current state of his life in Deadwood, Seth Bullock begins to make some changes. SEQUEL TO THE FOURTH TYPE OF WOMAN & A PALE IMITATION.  One-shot. AU.  Complete.


SETTING THINGS RIGHT

By: Lesera128

Rated: M

Disclaimer: I own nothing. HBO and David Milch do. Take anything official up with them.

Summary: Sol Star wasn't the only person who played a major role in Seth Bullock's life during his time in Montana and afterwards. This is a continuation of her story...

His last conversation with Allie having left him entirely displeased over the current state of his life in Deadwood, Seth Bullock begins to make some changes. In the meantime, Allie abandons her plan to seek retribution against Bullock, and instead leaves Deadwood for good. Unfortunately, an unexpected turn of events on the trail forces Allie to return to camp. SEQUEL TO THE FOURTH TYPE OF WOMAN & A PALE IMITATION. One-shot. AU. Complete.

A/N: If you are reading a story about the TV series "Deadwood" and don't know this... I'm not sure how that could happen... but, just in case... by the very nature of the television show from which the story is derived, this story contains (some would say excessive) profanity, adult situations, adult themes, etc. Be warned. Also, this story slightly deviates from Deadwood after the first episode of Season Two, but tries to stay as close as possible to canon both before and after that point. Any recognizable dialog that is not an original creation is courtesy of one of season two's brilliant episodes, albeit slightly modified so as to fit the introduction of Allie's character into the new story line.

* * *

><p>Once he was outside of Allie's room, Bullock took a moment to breathe. He wasn't sure what had just happened, but the one thing he did know was that his life was infinitely more displeasing to him now as opposed to when he had entered the room only an hour before. He leaned against the door frame, feeling as if something monumentally sad had just happened, but for some reason, he didn't know exactly what that sad thing was.<p>

Bullock was lost in his thoughts when he heard a door open. Hope jumped in his chest for the briefest of seconds before he realized that it wasn't Allie's door that had opened, but the one next to it. Looking up, Bullock saw Alma Garrett looking at him through the cracked opening of her door frame. She cocked her head when she saw Bullock, who hastily brushed away the tears that had fallen down his cheeks in the few moments since he had left Allie's room. Adjusting his hat, he nodded at Garrett. "Evening, ma'am."

"Sheriff," Garrett said softly. "Would you like to come in for a minute?"

Bullock narrowed his eyes at her before she gestured with her head towards the inside of her room. "Please?" she asked.

"All right," Bullock said as he moved slowly from where he was still leaning against the wall next to Allie's door. Moving forward, he quietly entered Garrett's room, shutting it with a definitive click.

* * *

><p>Allie stood with her head pressed against her own door frame, tears silently running down her cheeks. She had heard Garrett's quiet invitation by accident, however, a piece of her heart was torn asunder once again when she heard Seth accept the widow's invitation. It appeared, to Allie, that Seth *had* just used her to pass the time until Alma Garrett was ready to begin their latest round of 'consultations'... and just when Allie thought she had no more tears left in her to shed, she began to cry again.<p>

* * *

><p>Garrett sat down in one of the sitting room chairs. Gesturing to Bullock, she said politely, "Please, sit down." Looking up at his bleeding face, Garrett winced as she saw where Allie had scratched him. She reached for a towel, and, dipping it in a jug of water, she proffered the damp cloth to Bullock. She held it out for a moment before she gestured once more in the direction of the chair and said, "Please?"<p>

Seth reluctantly sat down, adjusting his posture so that he perched uncomfortably on the edge of the chair more than really sitting in it. Removing his hat, he placed it on the table. He looked down at the floor and waited for Garrett to speak. When she didn't, the silence weighed down heavily upon the pair.

At last, Alma sighed and said softly, "I didn't mean to intrude on a private conversation, but I couldn't help but overhear part of your conversation with... Miss Mitchell, was it?"

Seth looked up in surprise suddenly realizing that if Allie's walls were thin enough for her to hear when he had been having sex with Alma Garrett, that, in turn, Alma Garrett's walls were probably thin enough to hear any heated discussion, let alone any argument, that might be transpiring in Allie's room.

"I didn't mean for you to hear that," Seth said honestly. "And I apologize... I wouldn't have you have heard those exact words in that exact way."

"And yet," Garrett said, "They represent your true feelings on the subject, nonetheless, do they not?"

Bullock looked up at her. He paused for a moment before nodding slowly. "Yes, they were the truth."

Garrett's swift intake of breath was the only thing that kept her from crying out. The unexpected hurt that Garrett felt at Bullock's words were as keen as if he had physically struck her. After another moment had passed in silence, she nodded as she said, "I apologize, Mr. Bullock, if my attentions were so less than attractively honorable or desirable to you."

"Alma, it's not like that," Bullock protested. He sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. "You know I deeply respect and admire you... and given time, I think I could really come to feel for you things that I haven't felt in quite a long time. It's just that... With her showing up out of the blue after three years, three years during which I thought I had gone and squared how I felt about her, it was as if, despite my best efforts, every emotion, every hopeful thought that ever sprung forth in me because of her suddenly burst through to the surface again. Things I had tried to forget, things I desperately wanted to forget, things I needed to forget are represented by that woman, and it's all of a sudden real difficult for me to be dealing with you at the same time as I'm trying to deal with her… especially when I can't really control either situation."

Garrett raised her eyebrow in question of Bullock as she said, "I never intended to be someone that you merely had to 'deal' with, Seth." She paused before she looked him directly in the eye and said, "Although, I wish when you so honestly declared to me that you stood before me as a married man, that you had further clarified that you stood before me a married man whose heart truly belonged to yet another woman who was not his wife."

Bullock stared at her acute words with wide eyes before he lowered his gaze. "I'm sorry," Bullock said.

"I know," Garrett said softly. "So am I..."

She reached forward and placed a hand on his. "I'm sorry because… I truly care for you, Seth. You are a good and decent and honorable man... I'm only sorry that I'm not the woman who could be to you what you already are to me."

Bullock looked up at her. "And what if I was to tell you that you could be one day?"

Alma laughed nervously as she shook her head. "Now, I think we both know the truth of the situation would indicate that statement is nothing more than a fanciful half-truth… particularly given how the recent events surrounding Miss Mitchell's reappearance in town seem to share a connection to your newly acquired and recently developed emotional turmoil, Seth."

Bullock clasped her hand once before he dropped it. "I've been greatly unfair to you, Alma. That's one thing I never intended. I never intended to hurt you." He paused as he realized with some irony that he was repeating exactly the same words he had spoken to Allie earlier. "Then again, it seems as if all I've done is hurt people I care about."

Sitting straight up in her chair, Garrett looked at him as she asked, "And this… Allie...? Your feelings for her... do you love her still?"

Bullock returned her gaze. "Although I wish I might have made things clearer to her about everything that's happened since my marriage... most assuredly in that I wish I might have phrased things a bit differently, especially considering what you heard tonight, it's true when I say I've always loved Allie… and always will." He couldn't help but laugh as he said, "No matter how much I might want to forget that, she's the other half of me, you see? She's had my heart since I was sixteen, and I don't think I ever really got it back from her. I'm not really whole without her."

"The better half?" Garrett joked.

Bullock shrugged. "So some would say, I suppose." He paused before he said, "I had forgotten how just being around her makes me feel more patient, and more calm, and... and I feel hopeful. When I'm with her, I feel hope, Alma. And that's something I haven't felt in a long time."

Garrett nodded her head. "That's quite a compliment to her than."

Bullock nodded again.

Garrett smiled weakly in response. She then paused, looking away before she continued, "Regarding our current situation, under these very complicated circumstances, our continued interactions would be most inappropriate and inadvisable, I think." Turning to look him in the eye, "I relieve you of your current obligations to me, both personal and professional, Mr. Bullock."

"Alma..."

Raising her hand, Alma tried to stop him from speaking. "Seth, please." She then nodded as she said, "All things considered, I believe it best for all parties involved if Elsworth acted as my sole business advisor." She paused before saying, "Besides which, Miss Mitchell seems like quite a formidable woman. I think you're going to have a hard enough time setting things right by her without the added complication of my continued involvement."

"I'm not even sure how to do that," Bullock said quietly. Garrett looked at him questioningly as he said, "That is… to set right things by Allie... I'm not even sure if she'll let me try even if I wanted to..."

Garrett smiled. "Oh, I don't know, Seth... I've always found you can be very persuasive when you choose to be."

Bullock half-smiled at her words. Standing, he reached out and kissed Garrett's hand. "Thank you, Alma."

Garrett nodded.

"Anytime, Seth, anytime."

Standing, Bullock put his hat back on and quietly exited Garrett's room.

* * *

><p>The last thing that Allie wanted to do was to leave camp in the middle of the night. Traveling through Sioux territory in the dark wasn't the best of ideas if one was traveling in a mounted gang, let alone if one was riding alone, especially if that one rider was a woman. However, when Allie realized that Bullock had entered Garrett's hotel room, despite the blatantly honest conversation that they had had not minutes before, Allie decided that she would suffocate if she had to stay in camp another minute more.<p>

Gathering her belongings from the Grand Central, Allie made her way to where she stabled her horse. She sent a messenger along with a note and payment to Smith's Boarding House to cancel her reservation. As she waited for Hostetler to wake, Allie took one last look at Deadwood's main street, her eyes coming to rest first… first on the hardware store… and, then, on the Grand Central one last time before she went inside the livery. A short time later, Allie mounted a new horse, reined it in, and galloped out of camp without looking back.

* * *

><p>"You know, for the extra seven dollars that I had to pay Hostetler to trade for you, you aren't a very talkative companion now, are you?" Allie asked.<p>

She was hunched over her horse, leaning in close as they cantered along at a fairly even pace. The paleness of the crescent moon fell down on the trail, illuminating it slightly. As best Allie could tell, she had been on the trail about two hours give or take a few minutes. It was only once those two hours had put several miles between she and Deadwood that Allie felt she could take a somewhat easy and deep breath.

Shaking her head, Allie said, "You know, Hostetler was not pleased at being woken up at two o'clock in the morning, I can tell you. And, if I hadn't of been in such a damn hurry to get the hell out of camp, I never would have parted with those seven dollars. But, seeing as how my last horse picked up a nail in her hoof which couldn't be fixed until morning, and seeing as how my imminent departure from camp was of a most important nature, I suppose the seven dollars was well worth it." Allie smiled for a moment before she paused and patted the horse's neck. "I did at least manage to talk him down, you know... Hostetler originally wanted ten dollars. Now, I would've been completely and utterly crazy to pay that exorbitant a fee, even if I did wake him up in the middle of the night, so I can only suppose that I guess I'm just partially crazy since now I'm riding through Sioux territory in the middle of the night talking to my horse..." Allie frowned as the horse continued galloping on the trail as she tried to recall a rather colorful descriptor she had heard while waiting for Hostetler to saddle her new horse.

"What was it Swearengen called the Sioux? 'Dirt-worshipping heathens' or something like that?" Allie murmured to herself. "Of course, you and I don't really want to find out if it's really an appropriate descriptor of any Sioux warrior, now, do we?"

Feeling a chill go down her spine at the thought of coming face to face with the dark and wild eyes of a crazed Sioux brave, Allie leaned in a bit tighter and urged her mount to go a bit faster. She still had many miles to travel before daylight, and she would only reach the McDermott Ranch by lunchtime if she continued to hurry at a steady pace. Allie planned to wait at the ranch until a wagon train going south or southwest arrived so she could continue on to Cheyenne and then back home to San Francisco.

"My recent attempts to rectify my past have met with a most sorry abandon," Allie sighed. "I thought I would be able to make myself stronger by confronting my past, and you know what, horse? I didn't. In the end, when I was faced with the embodiment of everything that has gone wrong in my life, what did I do? I cried. That's right. I cried. And, you know what, horse? Allie Mitchell doesn't cry. She doesn't. Hasn't for a long time. Until I found exactly what I was looking for, had actively been searching for… and then I found it… and it was as if in the space of a heartbeat, everything I worked so hard to change about myself, the weaknesses that I found so inherently displeasing about myself, those displeasing aspects of my character that I have tried so hard to remove from my person, they not only reappeared after I thought them long exorcised, but reappeared with the most startling of personal vengeances." Allie shook her head in disappointment before she muttered, "And I couldn't even get a fucking shot off before I started weeping like a little girl..."

All of a sudden, Allie felt an icy chill as the little hairs on the back of her neck suddenly stood on end. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as she realized that something was very wrong. The peaceful sounds of the night that had accompanied her on her mad rush out of town had, at some point, ceased. She could no longer hear the pleasant chirping of crickets or hooting of owls or braying of wolves. Instead, everything was silent. Too silent. And although Allie wasn't sure exactly what had caused this unnatural silence, her horse obviously sensed it to as it started to stumble in frantic steps. Spooked… bewildered… whatever terminology could describe the obviously scared animal's continence, Allie knew that if she wasn't careful… something very bad was going to happen and she wouldn't survive. Always the survivor, Allie instinctively reached for the gun holstered at her right hip.

By the time her brain processed all this information and came to this decision, Allie barely had a second's notice to draw her pistol as the eerie silence was air pierced by the sharp twang of an arrow flying through the night. Her eyes widened in surprise and shock as the arrow missed her torso, and, instead, embedded itself in the neck muscles of Allie's horse. All of a sudden, Allie's brain felt as if it were on sensory overload as she heard the sharp and clear sound of more arrows being fired into the air.

First, a second arrpw came dangerously close to where the first one had landed. Allie's horse whined in pain and bucked in an attempt to throw Allie from its back. Allie's instincts were to hold on to the horse's reins as tight as she could, which ultimately proved to be the exact wrong thing she should have done. Very quickly, two more arrows shattered the night air. While the third arrow missed, and hit neither horse nor person, the fourth arrow landed in the soft flesh of her upper left arm.

Allie stared down in horror as shock began to set in... She couldn't quite believe what she was seeing as she gazed at the feather-tipped arrow shaft staring back at her from where it lay lodged in her bicep. Allie was still so surprised at having actually been hit by the arrow that it didn't register to her mind that as the warm and sticky blood continued to drench her shirt that she should be crying out in pain. A final barrage of arrows rained down on Allie from the darkness. This time, when another arrow landed in her left shoulder, Allie did cry out. However, her cries of pain were drowned out by the screams of her horse as several more arrows pierced its belly. The animal neighed in pain, rearing up one last time, and throwing Allie from her saddle in the process as yells from the darkness indicated the giddy jubilation of the Sioux that had attacked her.

As she had never been the best of riders given optimal conditions, Allie had little talent for controlling the bisercked horse. She landed with a hard crack on her right side. She felt pain sear through her ankle and leg. Trying to roll out of the way to take a defensive posture, the last thing Allie remembered was a sharp pain to the back of her head as blood began to gush for a cut at her temple. The world spun once as Allie fell flat on the ground. Looking up at the sky, Allie realized that she had never really appreciated just how beautiful and bright the stars were at night. Not really.. not since she had lost him. And, then, a final thought seized her mind as Allie realized what she was looking at were not the whiteness of evening stars in the sky, but the whiteness of a pair of foreign eyes that stared at her with intense hatred before Allie finally passed out from the overwhelming pain.

* * *

><p>Bullock had exited the Grand Central and spent the next several hours trying to locate Allie. Despite his best efforts, he failed at his current task. At last, realizing he had only one place left to query for information, Bullock entered the Gem Saloon and saw Sol keeping company with Trixie at a back table. Sol raised a hand in greeting. His smile immediately disappeared when he saw the seriousness of Bullock's facial expression coupled with the scabbed-over cuts and scratches that marred Bullock's normally nondescript face. Saying nothing, Bullock made his way to the table, grim faced and jaw clenched.<p>

"Seth?"

Nodding at Star, he said, "You seen Allie lately?"

"Allie?" Star said as he slowly shook his head. "No, not since late this afternoon. 'Bout five o'clock."

Bullock cursed as he realized that he had seen Allie after that during their conversation in her room.

"And you haven't seen her since?" Bullock pressed.

Star shook his head. "No."

"Did she say anything when you saw her earlier this afternoon?"

"No," Sol said again. "Nothing in particular..." He paused before he added. "Only that she was planning on changing accommodations from the Grand Central to Smith's Boarding House because she was tired of climbing the stairs given her accident."

Hope flared in Seth's eyes as he repeated, "Smith's Boarding House?"

Sol nodded. "Yeah, Smith's Boarding House."

"Thanks," Bullock said as he turned to leave.

"Seth?" Sol asked.

Bullock stopped and turned around. "Yeah?"

Wincing as Star gestured to his own face, Sol said, "Something happen?"

Shaking his head, Bullock said, "Nothing that hasn't been coming for a long time, Sol." Saying goodbye with a nod, Bullock quickly exited the saloon.

Turning to Trixie, Sol said, "I wish I knew what that was all about."

"You mean the Sheriff's cuts?" Trixie asked.

Star shrugged. "The cuts, the questions about Allie, Seth's whole demeanor if you want me to be completely honest." He paused before he looked up and said, "If Seth looks that bad, I'd sure hate to see how bad the other guy looks. For as long as I've known him, Seth has always given better than he's gotten, and by the looks of those cuts and scratches, it looks like someone gave it to him pretty good."

"I'd wager to bet that she doesn't look all that bad if at all," Trixie said. "Don't seem to be the Sheriff's way to hit a woman… even if she's really asking for it."

"A woman?" Sol asked as he narrowed his eyes. "What are you talking about, Trixie?"

"As a Jew, you can't be that goddamn dumb," Trixie said with a frown of her own.

"Pardon me?" Sol asked in confusion.

"You said you wished that you knew what the Sheriff's cuts and rattled demeanor was caused by, right?" Trixie asked as she lit a cigarette and began to puff on it.

Sol nodded slowly. "Yeah, I do."

Trixie took a drag on her cigarette before saying, "Sheriff Bullock's after a new piece of pussy."

"Trixie," Sol admonished.

"What?" She countered. "If you're telling me that having seen both that Mitchell earlier tonight, and then the Sheriff right now, that you can't rightly say that they might just have had a so-called meeting of the minds, then you're stupid… or a fool..."

"So?" Sol prompted.

"After having such a meeting as that, there can be only two outcomes, Sol. It's just a matter of time before the two of them are either trying to kill each other or fucking each other's brains out, and if you can't see that then you're blind and very fuckin' stupid, Sol."

Star was quiet for a moment as he considered Trixie's opinions. At last, he frowned as he said,

"Then I probably should have told Seth that when I went by there an hour ago that Amos Smith told me that Allie canceled her room reservation indefinitely." Reaching for the brown glass bottle at Trixie's elbow, Sol then poured himself a shot of whiskey.

"She left?" Trixie said with surprise.

"Appears so," Sol said despondently. "Why?"

"I just didn't peg her as the honorable type," Trixie mused. "I knew from the first that killing the Sheriff was most likely not what she had in mind. And since she didn't want to kill him, that could only mean that she wanted to fuck him. And, in fucking him, she must want something… since she seemed like the type of woman who uses her snatch to get whatever the fuck she wants when she wants it."

"Allie's not like that," Sol protested immediately.

Trixie took another drag on her cigarette. "*All* women are like that given the right set of circumstances. But, like I said, I just figured this Mitchell wouldn't fuck off before she'd fucked Bullock."

"Why's that?" Sol inquired with interest.

"Oh, he's in her blood," Trixie in an unusual state of matter-a-factness.

"He's in her blood?" Sol repeated with confusion. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"That means that she'll never been done with him and he'll never been done with her so long as there in the same fuckin' place," Trixie said, sounding imminently more like herself. Finishing her cigarette, she reached for Star's shot glass before she added, "'Course, it's probably been that way for a while now if Bullock's feeling the same way, which by the look of him earlier, seems to be the case. A woman doesn't get it that bad unless it's been reciprocated at one point."

"Well aren't you the fuckin' knowledgeable one this evening," Sol said with a laugh.

Trixie shrugged as she drank the shot that Star had poured, put the shot glass down, and refilled it before pushing it towards Sol. "Reading people's part of a whore's business. That's one of the reasons I didn't particularly care for her when she came in the shop earlier because..."

"Because why?" Sol prompted.

"Because," Trixie continued. "Women like that are dangerous to men like Bullock in a place like Deadwood. More dangerous than just about anything else, because if she had done what she would have eventually done if she'd stayed in camp with the Sheriff, well..." Trixie smiled grimly as she finished, "it would have been a whole fuckin' mess of trouble for everyone involved… and then some."

"Uh, huh," Sol said as he pursed his lips together before reaching for the whiskey shot that Trixie had poured. Setting the empty shot glass down once more, Star shook his head. "Either way, it seems she left without saying goodbye to me once again."

Trixie reached for Star's shot glass herself and pour yet another shot. She then set it on the table before she said, "'Course it's not like you were ever a major contender in this whole fuckin' drama now, Sol. In case you didn't know, this little thing between Mitchell and Bullock? It's always just been that, between the two of them and *only* the two of them… no matter what you might of thought."

Sol stared at Trixie for a moment before he grabbed the whiskey bottle, didn't bother messing with the shot glass, and downed a long draught as Trixie watched in amusement. Leaning forward as Star continued to suck down the whiskey, "'Course, if you're going to start feeling sorry for yourself, I know a whole lot better way to stay distracted than by getting fucked up on Al's pisspoor watered-down whiskey. Actually getting fucked *yourself* is a whole lot more entertaining, if you get my meaning." Trixie punctuated her offer as she grabbed below the table and quickly caressed Star so fast that he didn't even realize what she had done until her swift movement was over.

Star slowly lowered the bottle to the table as Trixie nodded towards a back room. Tossing several dollar coins on the table, and with a nod to the ever watchful Johnny Burns, Star immediately followed Trixie and promptly forgot about both Seth Bullock and Allie Mitchell.

* * *

><p>After leaving Amos Smith's boarding house, Bullock trudged despondently back to the hardware store. He clutched Allie's note in his fist after having read her familiarly dainty scrawl informing Amos of her canceling her reservation. The note confirmed what Allie had told him earlier as she informed Smith that she was leaving camp immediately and no longer had need of the room.<p>

Allie's words swam in Bullock's head almost overwhelming him. Suddenly, as quickly as she had appeared, she was simply gone from his life once again. He had let her go a second time, despite the fact that he still wasn't sure why exactly he felt as if he had ever really let her go in the first place. But, in either case, the hurt Seth was now feeling seemed even worse than the first time they'd parted three years ago... Of course, then… that time… it had been *him* doing the leaving, so maybe that made a difference. Suddenly realizing that if his current state in any way reflected how Allie had felt all that time ago, it was now no wonder to Bullock as to why she had been so angry during their earlier conversation. Rejection had a nasty way of stripping away one's belief in oneself at the same time it completely and utterly degraded one's own sense of self-value. And, if that was how Allie had truly felt after Seth had left her, he suddenly understood why she had had to leave Montana. For Allie, there had been simply no other option if she wanted to attain any semblance of an independent life where she wasn't always going to be second guessing her own self-worth.. And, Allie was too strong a woman to be left so completely doubting of herself for long lest she actually go insane.

Shaking his head in frustration at his despondent realization, and deciding a drink was in order, Bullock stumbled towards Tom Nutall's saloon. The sheriff wasn't exactly a stranger to Number 10... Indeed, during his first few days in camp when Bill Hickok had frequented the establishment's nightly poker game, Nutall had only too happily served Bullock some of the better whiskey he kept behind the bar for the more discerning patrons such as the newly arrived former lawman from Montana. However, that was before Hickok had been murdered in the very same place, before Bullock had caught Jack McCall and seen him tried for Hickok's murder, and before Bullock had placed the sheriff's tin back on his chest once more. Thus, it was with a bit of surprise that Nutall watched Bullock trudge his way through the Number 10's double saloon doors and walk wearily to the bar. Nutall looked up at Bullock in askance, but said nothing as he watched the sheriff reach into his pocket and withdraw a $20 gold coin. Tossing it on the bar, Bullock nodded at him.

Nutall raised an eyebrow as he said, "I'm not sure I can make change for that right now, Sheriff."

Bullock shook his head. "I don't want any change, Tom. Just whiskey."

"Whiskey?" Nutall repeated.

Bullock nodded his head. "Yeah, whiskey."

Somewhat hesitantly, Nutall moved to reach under the bar. He then placed a relatively clean shot glass in front of Bullock before filling it with whiskey. Bullock looked once at Nutall and then at the shot glass before he suddenly reached for it and downed the amber liquid in a single gulp. Nutall went to reach for Bullock's glass, as he had never seen the sheriff have more than a single drink at any given time. While it wasn't unusual for miners or other citizens of Deadwood to drink several shots in any one sitting, drinking more than one drink was simply something that Seth Bullock *didn't* do. However, when Bullock quickly slammed his hand on top of the empty shot glass, he nodded at Nutall and said, "Unless you plan for me to drink it straight from the bottle, you best leave the glass right where it is."

Nutall slowly nodded as he poured Bullock a second shot. When Bullock had repeated the same manner of downing the shot in a single sweep of his arm, Nutall looked in slight confusion at Bullock as he said, "Sheriff, is there something else I can get you?"

Bullock shook his head as he pushed the gold coin he had earlier tossed onto the bar towards Nutall. He then nodded at the brown glass bottle which Nutall still had clasped in his right hand. "No, I don't want anything else. Just leave the bottle."

Somewhat hesitantly, Nutall nodded and slid the bottle towards Bullock before retreating to the opposite end of the bar to watch Deadwood's sheriff drink himself into oblivion.

* * *

><p>In an unusual move, Seth Bullock spent three days pissed drunk in Tom's saloon. After Bullock had spent the first day alternatively sitting on his lone bar stool while continuing to sip from the whiskey bottle Nutall had left him and simply staring at the wall, Tom began to worry. Bullock never left the bar stool… not even to piss… nor did he ever fall asleep. He merely sat and drank. After the second day passed much the way the first had done, Tom was confused as to what to do about Bullock. Afterall, his prepayment of $20 in gold had left him with more than enough credit when it came to the additional whiskey he demanded, and Bullock seemed not to want to cause trouble as he speak to no one and stayed where he sat on his stool. Nutall and Harry Manning took turns watching over the sheriff thinking he would eventually have to pass out either from the drunken stupor he had worked himself into or simple exhaustion. Nutall then planned to send either for Sol Star or Charlie Utter to remove the sheriff to more a more appropriate place to sleep off what was sure to be a wallop of a hangover.<p>

However, as the second day drew to a close and a rather rambunctious lot of miners came in to town to raise some hell, it was their unfortunate luck to make a comment to Bullock about his failure to be doing his job as sheriff instead of staying raving drunk in Nutall's Number 10. Tom would later wonder if Swearengen hadn't in some way been responsible for sending the most obnoxious of the miners to interfere with Bullock to merely cause trouble.

"Of course, a man like me can't rightly complain when the law in a shithole like Deadwood is so accommodating to drunks and phantom deputies," the miner scoffed in Bullock's general direction.

Bullock remained quiet and merely stared at the man, his pent up anger teetering on the edge of being released if just a few of the right words were even whispered in his general direction. Thus, it was no surprise when the miner asked Bullock a rather insulting question that Bullock responded by jumping off his stool and promptly sending a right hook into the miner's mouth. It took both Tom Nutall, Harry Manning, and Hostetler, who had merely come into the Number 10 for a drink himself, to pull Bullock off of the miner. As the three men struggled to restrain Bullock, Tom Nutall called to no one in particular for someone to fetch either Charlie Utter or Sol Star at the hardware store.

It was a bit of a fortuitous coincidence that Calamity Jane, only mildly drunk as compared to Bullock's extreme state of drunkenness, was strolling by the Number 10 as Nutall called out his command. Not realizing that Nutall hadn't necessarily been talking directly to her, Calamity Jane stopped in the street, narrowed her eyes in disgust, and shouted, "What the fuck do you want me to do that for?"

Nutall, realizing that Calamity Jane had heard him, yelled back, "There's a bottle of whiskey in it for you if you do it quick before the sheriff here murders this miner."

"Well, why the fuck didn't you say so?" Jane yelled. Nodding back, Jane quickly stumbled towards the hardware store. As she stumbled through the door, she saw Sol Star sitting behind the counter. She narrowed her eyes as she said, "Where's that sack o' shit, Charlie Utter?"

"Gone, on a freight run to Cheyenne," Star replied.

"Well, then you best get your ass over to Number 10. I think Tom said there's something fucking wrong with the sheriff or something," Jane muttered.

"Something's wrong with Seth? What?" Star asked as he rushed for his hat and jacket.

"Fuck if I know," Calamity Jane said. "Either way, would you get a fucking move on? I don't get my whiskey until your sorry ass is back at Number 10."

Shortly thereafter, Sol appeared and coaxed Bullock out of the saloon and back to the store. The miner that Bullock had attacked lay in a bloody unconscious heap at the foot of the bar, his companions having disappeared during Tom Nutall, Harry Manning, and Hostetler's attempts to restrain Bullock. However, Calamity Jane sat happily where Bullock had been only a short time before hugging a cheap bottle of rotgut to her chest. As she took a swig, she eyed both the unconscious miner and Harry Manning, who was applying a wet cloth to Tom Nutall's right eye. "So, what'd he say that set the fucking sheriff off?" Jane asked.

Nutall winced as he lowered the wet cloth from his eye where Bullock had punched him. "Best I can tell, he asked him in his tin was real or just for decoration."

At this, Calamity Jane laughed wildly. "Dumb fucking cunt," she finally heehawed at the passed out miner. "What a dumb fucking cunt to taunt the sheriff about his badge. Hell, even *I* know not to do that, and I'm fucking dumber than a stump..."

* * *

><p>Ragging drunk, Bullock had spent the past two and a half, almost three days feeling sorry for himself. Now that he was past feeling sorry for himself, he was suddenly angry at everyone... the asshole miner from Nutall's, Nutall himself, Harry Manning, Hostetler... In general, the world, but most especially Bullock was most pissed off at Sol, his dead brother Thomas, Martha, Allie, and especially *himself*.<p>

"Why are you doing this to yourself, Seth?" Sol asked helping his friend into a chair at the back of the store.

"Because it's what I goddamn want to do right now, okay, Sol?"

Star was quiet for a moment as he went for a basin and towel to start cleaning the various cuts and bruises that Bullock had sustained in the fight. By far, his knuckles were in the worst condition along with a single cut that continued to bleed at Bullock's right upper cheek where Allie had originally scratched him and where he had apparently reaggravated the same injury during the fight. At last, as Star handed Bullock the wet towel, he said quietly, "You know, she wouldn't want you doing this to yourself."

"Who?" Bullock growled.

"You know who," Star said evenly.

"She's the one who did the leaving this time," Bullock said as he pointed at Star, who had refused to back down from Bullock's anger… let alone even flinch.

Instead, Star remained eerily calm as he said, "You could go after her you know."

Looking up as if he was insulted that Sol didn't think he hadn't already considered the idea, Bullock retorted, "Like I have any goddamn idea what direction to even ride in despite the fact she has a three and a half day head start on me, Sol?"

"Just saying," Star said with a shrug..

"She's the one who did the leaving this time," Bullock repeated. He was quiet for a moment before he said emphatically, "Well, fuck her." He nodded to himself and then struggled to stand as he looked wild-eyed at Star and said in a different tone of voice, "You should have told me that she was here, Sol. You're my best friend, and yet you told me none of it."

Star responded, "And as I've explained before, because I'm *her* friend too, it was with due cause that I didn't tell you anything given the fact that Allie didn't want you to know before she was ready suspecting maybe you mightn't act rational."

Bullock smirked as he said, "But, I bet you told the whore about Allie, didn't you?"

At his words, Star immediately shook his head as he pointed at Bullock, "We're done talking about this for now."

"Oh, no, we're not," Bullock countered as he followed Sol to the front of the store. Star turned on him as he pointed at the sheriff and said, "Yes, Seth. We're done talking about this."

"Or what?" Bullock prodded Star.

Star nodded, "Listen, if you keep this up, we're going to fight. And then you won't have no time to feel sorry for yourself because you'll have to work by yourself while I convalesce."

Bullock eyed his friend for a moment before he nodded.

Nodding in return, Star pointed to the back of the store. "Now, please, for fuck's sake, will you go upstairs and sleep this off?"

Bullock nodded once before trudging up the stairs, collapsing on the cot, and duly passing out.

* * *

><p>Two more days had passed before Bullock awoke. And when he did, he quickly set about to washing and cleaning himself up. When he went downstairs, he was cleanly shaved, in fresh clothes, and wearing his hat, badge, and gun. Nodding to Sol, he said not a word before exiting the store and going about his morning rounds, his first stop, Nutall's Number 10 where he planned to offer a profuse apology to both Harry Manning and Tom Nutall followed by a stop at the Grand Central Hotel for breakfast.<p>

* * *

><p>Charlie Utter frequently traveled the lesser known Sioux Indian trails that connected Cheyenne and Deadwood mainly because it saved time, and for a brave man, time was almost as important as money.<p>

Thus, it was with no surprise and a bit of mild trepidation that he stopped his wagon train when his scout came with news that there was a body and dead horse in the road ahead. Dismounting from his horse, Charlie first scouted the area with his other armed men to insure there were no unseen Indians about perhaps planning some type of ambush. Only when the trail was secured did Charlie move to examine the body.

At first, Charlie didn't realize that the he… at least, Utter thought he was looking at a *he*… well, actually… it seemed to have not been a 'he'… but a 'she'…. In addition, it was only once he turned the badly bloodied and battered body over did he realize that Allie Mitchell was still alive.

"Hey, you morons," Utter yelled. "This gal's still alive!"

"Alive?" one of them called back. "Naww, can't be. Too much blood, and the body's been there too long."

Utter shook his head, "I'm telling you this gal's alive, even if it's just barely, and unless you move your fucking ass, she's like as not to be alive by the time we get her to a doctor."

Cursing to himself, Utter called for a blanket and pallet before he ordered the train forward into camp with the singular goal of getting the barely alive Mitchell to Doc Cochrane's before she inconveniently expired…. Because, if there was one type of bad luck that could haunt a man's business for years, it was the death of a woman.

* * *

><p>By the time Utter's scout had roused Cochrane, Charlie's wagon had arrived at the doctor's office. Gingerly, Cochrane instructed Charlie and his man to move the pallet inside where he could tend to the injured person. Once she was on his table, Cochrane took one look at her injuries and murmured, "Sweet Jesus."<p>

Looking up at Utter, he said, "You know who this is?"

Utter shook his head. "No, should I?"

Cochrane looked at him strange. "Where the fuck have you been, Charlie? On a desert island or under rock?"

Utter shrugged. "Under a rock in Cheyenne, I suppose. I've been gone the past ten days on a wagon convoy. Just getting back to camp now."

Looking at Utter over the tip of his glasses, Cochrane asked, "You know where Sheriff Bullock keeps?"

"Usually," Utter said with a shrug.

"Best go and fetch him then."

"Why?" Utter said with a questioning look in his eyes. "What's this slip of a girl got to do with him? Her injuries happened on the trail, not in the camp. No law's been broken except by those fuckin' heathen injuns."

Cochrane nodded. "Let's just say I think the sheriff has a personal interest in this woman considering the fact that rumor has it her up and leaving a week ago that was the cause for Bullock to go on a three day drunken binder that made Calamity Jane proud."

"Bullock? Drunk?" Utter said in disbelief.

Cochrane nodded. "Yes. So, like I said, best go get him while I try to tend to this child's injuries before she's dead."

Despite his intense reaction of surprise, Utter merely tipped his hat once at the doctor, and in the next second, he was gone.

* * *

><p>After Utter's exit, Cochrane went to his flask and took a drink of whiskey to calm his nerves before he began to examine Allie's numerous wounds. He started by breaking off an arrow shaft which was lodged in her arm and sponging the dried blood from her scalp, face, and arms. She barely made a moan as he then went about to cleaning and suturing the infected arm wound next.<p>

* * *

><p>Utter found Bullock sitting behind the counter of the hardware store going over a ledger. He was by himself. Looking up at the sound of Utter's footsteps, he genuinely smiled as he said, "Hello, Charlie. Welcome back."<p>

Utter removed his hat as he said quickly, "Seth, you best come quick. Doc Cochrane's calling for you."

Bullock stood as he said, "What's wrong?"

"I found some girl on the way back to camp from Cheyenne. She's been attacked and left for dead by the goddamn Sioux."

"A girl?" Bullock asked.

Charlie nodded.

"Allie?" Bullock pressed, his eyes suddenly animated with such an intense level of emotion, Utter was almost taken aback by his friend's apparent emotional response to the situation.

Utter nodded, "I think so."

"Is she alive or dead?" Seth said evenly.

"Alive when I left her at the Doc's, but he said for me to come and fetch you quick for she's like as not to stay that way for much longer."

Utter had never seen Bullock pale so quickly or run so fast in his life before or since… He didn't even bother to grab his hat, coat, or to lock the store before he left.

Shaking his head, Utter grabbed Bullock's hat and coat off of the peg near the front door before he closed the door to the hardware store behind him and quickly followed.

* * *

><p>By the time Bullock arrived at Cochrane's, the doctor had completed a very cursory examination. Seth looked over Allie's bruised and battered body, his voice unevenly and eerily calm as he asked simply, "How bad?"<p>

Cochrane moved to a basin to wash Allie's blood from his hands as he said, "She's lost a lot of blood. She took a couple of arrows to her left arm and shoulder. One of them I cut away and removed."

"And the other?" Bullock asked.

"I think she may have pulled it out herself sometime before she lost consciousness, but that's just a guess on my part. I've still to disinfect and finish suture both wounds. The one in her shoulder… from the looks of where the second arrow had been removed seems to be nasty with infection. I've got to see what I can do lest I have to take her arm."

"What else?" Bullock pressed.

"She tore up her knee pretty bad and broke her right ankle. I don't think the knee is broken, but the swelling says the muscle is awfully bad strained."

"What else?" Bullock repeated, sensing there was more to be told.

"The knot she had at the base of her skull from her fall down the stairs last week was cracked on by some type of blunt object. It opened as gash at her temple. That's where most of the blood is from. Overall, that's not a very serious wound... It makes her look a lot worse than she actually is in that respect."

"What *else*?" Bullock prompted.

"She's lost a lot of blood, and she's severely dehydrated," Cochrane said.

"Will she wake up?" Bullock asked.

Cochrane shook his head. "I honestly don't know. I've dosed her with laudanum to keep her under while I work. In cases like this, keeping her still for a few days will help if you can keep water in her."

Seth moved forward and tenderly rested a hand on her uninjured leg. His voice seemed just a bit strained as he said, "Was that... all?"

Cochrane shook his head as he immediately took Bullock's meaning. "I haven't really examined her that thoroughly yet, but yeah, I think that's all."

Nodding, Bullock said released a slow breath as he said, "I'll stay with her."

"I've got more work I need to finish first. Then we can move her some place more comfortable," he said.

Bullock nodded. "I'll be outside."

Cochrane nodded himself as Seth took one last look at Allie's inert form before he quickly exited the room. Standing outside, Seth forced himself to breathe. Utter looked at him in askance, but all Seth could say was, "She's still alive. Doc's not finished yet."

"You gonna wait?" Utter said.

"Yeah," Bullock said. "I'm gonna wait."

"Anything I can do?" Utter asked innocently.

Bullock nodded again as he said softly, "Yeah, pray."

* * *

><p>Several hours later, Cochrane came out of his office. Bullock had sat down next to the door frame and had dozed off. Utter was no where to be seen. Gently tapping him, Cochrane said, "Sheriff?"<p>

Bullock's eyes snapped open. "What?"

"I'm done," Cochrane said. "You can come in now."

Standing, Bullock quickly followed the Doc into the room. One glance at Allie, and Seth knew that she looked a whole hell of a lot better than she had been a few hours before Cochrane had begun to work on her. Her hair was wet, but blood free. Her was face pale, but clean. She lay covered in a light blanket with her bloodied leathers cut away in a heap on the floor.

"She's going to need some clothes," Cochrane said. "A shift or something. I had to cut away most of what she was wearing, and what I didn't cut was covered in blood."

"I'll see to it," Bullock said. "What now?"

"Now, we wait for her to wake up."

"Here?"

"No," Cochrane said. "It'll be at least a day before the laudanum I gave her wears off. Maybe more. She won't be waking up before that even if she's able. Best thing to do is get her clothed, keep her hydrated, and keep her comfortable."

"Can she be moved?"

"Carefully," Cochrane said. "Where do you want to move her to? The hardware store?"

"No," Bullock said. "I'm going to take her home."

* * *

><p>Sometime later, Sol helped Seth gently tuck blankets tightly around Allie's slumbering form. Seth looked up at his friend and said, "Would you please send my thanks to Alma for the clothing?"<p>

"I will," Star said. "She said if you need anything else, she need only be called upon, and she would be happy to respond 'with profound and sincere pleasure', I think was how she put it."

He paused before he looked around the room. "Where you going to stay? This is the only stick of furniture in the house," Star commented as he nodded at the bed. .

"I've got a roof over my head," Bullock said. "Construction's finished. I'll arrange for more furniture with Charlie as time permits."

Sol was quiet for a moment before he said, "You know, I'm surprised you brought her here..." Bullock looked up at him with a raised eyebrow before he said, "You know, to the house you built for Martha."

"I built this house for the woman who I'm supposed to be taking care of," Seth said carefully. "At first, I thought that was Martha, but now, I'm thinking a bit different." He looked at Allie and said, "I think I've brought her home, Sol."

"Home to die?" Star asked quietly.

Bullock narrowed his eyes. "If need be."

"And if she wakes up?" Star said carefully.

Bullock shrugged. "I haven't really thought that far ahead yet, Sol."

"What about Martha?"

Bullock sighed. "I don't know..." He paused before he said evenly, "I pledged my troth to her before witnesses, the law, and God, Sol. It is my moral and legal duty to do right by her and right by William.."

"But Allie..."

"There's nothing I can do about Martha being my wife, Sol. That bit is done," Bullock said, silencing his friend whom he knew was going to suggest the issue of divorce given the recent turn of events. However, that was one thing that even in his most selfish of moods, Bullock knew that the stigma of divorce was something to which he could never subject his nephew.

Seth was silent for a moment before he nodded at Star. "I have been thinking about this part though. I don't think there isn't any reason why I can't walk the line between doing what is 'righteously honorable' as Allie once put it and doing what I want for a change..." He then looked at the small frame of Allie's breathing slowly through her drug induced sleep. "As for Allie, I mean to begin by doing what I want by setting things right for her, starting here and now."

"If she lives?" Star amended.

Seth nodded. "Yeah, if she lives."

* * *

><p>The days passed slowly for Bullock. He spent the majority of his time, somewhat uncharacteristically, playing nurse to Allie. Twice a day Doc Cochrane dutifully made his way out to see Allie and check her progress. The pair said little as each went about his work - Cochrane because he had nothing to offer and Bullock because he was afraid of what Cochrane would tell him about Allie's condition if prompted. The first few days passed in an unvaried pattern. It nearly killed Bullock watching the weight continue to melt away from her bones. Cochrane was concerned that if she didn't awaken soon, she would starve to death.<p>

Seth spent a lot of the time with which he suddenly found himself in-between dosing Allie with sips of water and wiping the beads of sweat from her face just thinking. He also spent a lot of time watching her. His favorite spot from which to do that very thing was leaning against the wall of the master bedroom where he could both look out the window that looked towards the town and still see Allie's inert form in the bed. When Seth wasn't looking after Allie, or wasn't waiting for the Doc to come and tell him that the infection had spread and that he would have to amputate the arm, he spent most of his time thinking about the way things had been, and more often than not, how he wished things might one day be.

On the fourth day, in the early morning, Bullock jolted awake from where he stood propped up against the wall of Allie's sickroom. Standing, he gazed out the window, and into the early morning sunlight, to see Sol Star walking towards the front door. Star carried with him several saddle bags. When Bullock met him, Star tossed two of the bags at Bullock. Without having to be asked, Star responded, "Supplies, mainly. Some food… and some clothes for you."

Nodding, Bullock walked back into the house, and Star followed.

Once the pair had entered and each had dropped the provisions on the floor, Star nodded at him and said, "You look like hell, Seth."

Bullock shrugged.

Nodding at him, Star said, "Why don't you take some of those items from the bags and go clean yourself up? I'll sit with Allie so she won't be alone."

Bullock began to protest. "But, I don't-"

Star shook his head. "It'll only be for a few minutes, and believe you me, I'm sure Allie's nostrils will appreciate the removal of the source of the offensive odor that has been contaminating her sickroom."

Bullock narrowed his eyes before finally saying, "Fine, but I'll be back directly."

Star shrugged, "I expected nothing less."

A short time later, a much more well-groomed Bullock was standing next to Star in Allie's room. Nodding at her, Star said, "The Doc said he still doesn't know if the infection is getting better or worse?"

Bullock nodded. He turned from Allie's bed slightly and lowered his voice as he said, "If it gets worse, he'll have to take the arm or else she's like to die from the infection. But, if she starts to improve, then, maybe, there might be a few options - but, until she makes a turn in one direction or the other, there isn't anything to do but wait."

"And waiting's the hardest thing," Star said. Bullock merely nodded in return. Clasping him on the back, Star then said, "You don't mind if I sit with you for a bit?"

Bullock shook his head as the pair then embarked on what was to be a ritual over the next span of days. Early each morning, Sol would ride up to the house to look after Allie so that Bullock could at least make a cursory start on the day's camp business as sheriff. However, while no one may have mentioned his decidedly reduced presence in camp, everyone had noticed that Bullock's attentions had been shifted elsewhere.

A week had passed without Allie showing any signs of improvement or degradation. However, on the evening of the eighth day, Allie began to break out into cold sweats followed by an intense bought of fever. Upon Cochrane's arrival when he saw Allie's fevered ramblings, he nodded at Bullock. "Despite the fact that she still hasn't recovered consciousness, believe it or not, the fever is a good sign. It means her body is trying to fight the goddamn infection." Bullock merely nodded as the Doctor continued his ministrations.

After Cochrane left, Bullock sat next to Allie sponging her face with a cool cloth. A few hours later was when she started to ramble. At first, Allie's mutterings were incoherent, but later Seth could make out a few words.

"...please don't let them take..."

"Don't leave me..."

"I won't..."

Bullock also cringed when he realized Allie rambling his own name in her fevered mutterings, but tried to think little of it.

Almost ten days after she had been found, Seth was standing in his customary spot, propped against Allie's sickroom wall with his arms crossed as he watched the sun go down on yet another day. Evening was casting its shadows about the house, and Seth knew he needed to light at least one oil lamp before he tended to Allie again.

The first sound which served as an indication that something was different with Allie was the fact that she started to cough. Bullock turned his head to look at the bed, but remained where he was. A couple of times Allie had started coughing reflexively when he and the Doc had spooned water down her throat. Thus, the coughing, in and of itself, was not unusual. However, when the coughing was followed by a sneeze, Bullock's thoughts were entirely deviated from watching the sunset. Moving carefully over to the bed, he sat gingerly on the edge as he raised a hand to feel Allie's forehead. His eyes widened in surprise as he suddenly felt her previously clammy skin as being somewhat cool to the touch, at least much cooler than it had been during the last few days of her fever. As Seth's cold hand touched Allie's forehead, he was somewhat startled when he saw her eyes snap open.

Allie opened her eyes, and the first thing that she saw staring back at her was a familiar pair of brown eyes. The brown eyes looked at her with interest. Allie narrowed her gaze as the bright light assaulted her. She struggled to sit up, an instinctual move, but it took nearly every ounce of energy she had to merely keep her eyes open. Seth almost believed he was seeing things until he heard Allie's scratchy voice whisper, "Why is it that every damn time I wake up from passing out that it's your goddamn face I find staring at me?"

Bullock managed a weak, but genuine, smile as he honestly answered, "Because when you're sleeping seems to be the only time I can look my fill without being cursed at or physically assaulted."

Allie made a sound of mild disgust as she closed her eyes again.

Seth then asked. "How do you feel?"

"Like an anvil's been dropped on my head," Allie said honestly. "What happened?"

Moving towards her bedside, Seth tentatively reached down and gently brushed a tendril of loose hair back from her sweaty forehead as he said, "You were attacked by the Sioux. They left you for dead on the trail. A wagon train headed back to camp found you and brought you to Doc Cochrane. Aside from that, I don't know all that much else."

Allie struggled to shift in bed again and immediately whimpered in pain.

"Careful," Bullock said as he nodded at her. "You've been out for a good long while and still haven't really even begun to heal."

Allie winced as she turned her head and said, "What's a good long while?"

"Best we can reckon from when you left camp, you were on the trail for almost a week before Charlie Utter's train found you. You've been here another ten days."

"Three weeks?" Allie whispered. Bullock shrugged. Allie's eyes then darted around her unfamiliar surroundings as she said, "Where's here?"

Not wishing to bring up painful issues which were sure to evoke anger before she was healed and strong enough to deal with them and their implicit ramifications, Bullock shrugged again as he said simply, "Someplace safe."

Allie breathed deeply with contentment.

"I feel like I've been split in two," she said after a minute. "I... I remember the arrows... They came out of nowhere. And the screams of the horse. I remember that. Then, the horse reared and I fell, but I can't recall much after that." Looking up at Bullock, Allie asked, "Why does my head fell as if someone's sitting on it?"

Seth raised a wet cloth to mop some of the sweat from her forehead. "Either in the fall or when you were attacked, you hit your head again. It compounded the knot you had at the base of your skull from your swan dive off of the Grand Central stairs."

"Definitely not one of my more graceful moments," Allie murmured. "Anything else I need to know?"

Bullock shook his head. "No." He then stopped before he said in a soft voice, "You've been fevered and unconscious for a while. We... we were afraid that you might not come out of it."

"As if I'd let a few licks from a heathen's club crack my thick skull permanently? I think not," Allie whispered. She then yawned, her short conversation exhausting her more quickly than either had realized. She closed her eyes and said softly, "I'm so thirsty, and tired. So tired..."

Seth moved and dipped the wet cloth in fresh water. Moving to wet her lips, Allie's head nodded off as she quickly fell back into unconsciousness. However, her short conversation was more than enough to bolster Bullock's confidence. Nodding with the first genuine smile that had been on his face in more than two weeks, Seth stood up from the bed and said a prayer of thanks to anyone or anything that happened at that particular moment to be listening.

* * *

><p>The next time Allie's eyes opened again, a little more than a day had passed. And, this time, when she opened her eyes once more, she found herself once again starring into Seth's concerned eyes. Although she felt just a little bit better than she had the last time she had awakened, she still was an extremely sick woman and had little energy to say or do much of anything. However, what little energy she did have, she used to let Bullock know that her accident had changed nothing in the manner of her feelings concerning him.<p>

"Go away," Allie muttered. "Just go away."

Bullock frowned as Allie's words were not what he had been expecting. Ignoring them, Bullock moved to hold a cup of water up to her lips. Scowling intensely, Allie said nothing as she greedily drained the whole cup. After she had finished a second glass of water, she turned her head away from Bullock and pursed her lips. "No more."

"No more water or no more putting up with me?" Bullock prodded, as he set the cup down on the table next to the bed.

"Both," Allie said.

"You know, you could just be maybe a little more grateful? It's not like I've had the most exciting of times sitting up with you and caring for you all the while you were spewing fevered ravings of nonsense in your sickness," Seth said.

Allie's eyes immediately narrowed, "I never asked you to do any of that for me, Seth."

"I know," Bullock said with frustration. Sighing, he looked up at her and nodded with wide eyes as he repeated in a quieter tone, "I know. It's just, at least until Doc Cochrane has said you're out of danger, can't we at least pretend to be civil to one another?"

"That may be mighty easy for you to do, but I just can't," Allie said. Turning her head. Allie then closed her eyes and said nothing more, doing the only thing she could to dismiss Bullock. Sighing again, Bullock turned on a sharp heel, and left the room.

Two more days passed before any more serious conversation took place, and when serious conversation was to be had, it was actually prompted by Doc Cochrane finally coming to examine Allie. He also finally decided she was strong enough actually to respond to her questions instead of remaining quiet and telling her to be patient and that he would answer all her questions 'in due time'. Doc Cochrane was immanently pleased when he saw Allie's progress on that day. It was on the third morning after she awoke that Cochrane apparently decided that 'in due time' had come at last as he asked Bullock to leave him alone with his patient. Seth looked at him questioningly as he had been previously been present each and every time Cochrane had come to examine Allie both before and since she had woken up.

"It'll only be a moment," Cochrane said. "I need to talk to her in private."

Seth looked once at Allie and then back to the Doc before he said, "I'll be outside." He then turned and left.

Allie looked at Cochrane for a moment before she said, "So what's the bad news you need to tell me without Seth hearing it?"

"It's not necessarily bad news," Cochrane said. "Just something I thought you might want some privacy about."

Allie shrugged. "All right."

Cochrane sighed before he said, "The arrow wounds in your left shoulder and arm have started healing up real nice. I'm fairly certain now that I won't have to amputate your arm."

Allie's eyes widened as she said, "That's a positive thing to know."

Cochrane nodded. "Yes, it is."

"So, when does that mean I can leave?" Allie asked.

Cochrane starred at her in disbelief as he said, "Pardon?"

"Leave? When can I leave?" Allie asked.

"Leave where?" Cochrane asked.

"*Here*," Allie said with a surprising amount of disgust in her voice.

Cochrane shook his head, "I'm afraid, despite your remarkable progress, it is inadvisable for you to be moved from this house."

"House?" Allie exclaimed. "I meant the town!"

Cochrane could help himself as he said, "If you value your health, you will not be leaving the bed which you presently occupy for at least another two to three weeks. Until I remove the sutures and plaster around your wrist and leg, I won't have any idea as to when you'll even possibly stand a chance of leaving camp, if that is your wish."

"My fondest wish," Allie muttered. She then started to shake her head in frustration.

Cochrane looked at her and asked, "Are you in pain?"

Allie rapidly shook her head, "No. No more so than usual." She paused before she added, "It just seems no matter how hard I try to put distance between me and this goddamn town, the more I seemed to get pulled closer and forced to stay exactly where I don't want to be."

Cochrane said nothing. He paused for a moment before he said at last, "I'll see what I can do about making arrangements to move you into town if it's that important to you. Perhaps accommodations can be arranged at the Grand Central-"

"No!" Allie said with the most emotion she had managed to muster in her voice since before she had been attacked. Shaking her head slowly, she noticed Cochrane's surprise at her vehemence, which prompted her to clarify, "I'd rather stay here than be taken there." The image of Alma Garrett's face swam briefly in front of her as she nodded to Cochrane. "I'd rather stay here."

"All right," Cochrane said. He then nodded as he said, "It'd be best if you start to drink some clear broth in addition to the water the Sheriff's been feeding you."

Allie turned her nose up at the mention of food. She frowned as she said, "I don't know if I'll be able to keep anything like that down."

"The more sustenance you eat, the more quickly you'll regain your complete strength and ability to heal," Cochrane said.

Allie frowned again, "Even still..."

Cochrane was silent for a moment before he said, "This nausea that you mention, has it been a constant symptom since you've awakened?"

Allie stopped for a moment to think, "Only when I smell food."

Cochrane was thoughtful for a moment before he said, "And, what about the dizziness? You wouldn't say that the nausea and dizziness are persisting symptoms, are they?"

"No," Allie said slowly. "I mean, I get dizzy if I try and move from bed too quickly, but I only feel nauseous when I smell Seth's cooking. Overall, considering the fact that most anyone who smelled Seth's cooking would be ill, I wouldn't say the symptoms have persisted on a regular basis."

"Good," Cochrane said with a nod.

He went to close his bag, and made to leave but, Allie's voice stopped him as she said, "Now, Doc, you mind telling me why you asked?"

Exhaling a large breath, Cochrane looked at her over the rims of his spectacles. "I don't know how to be delicate about this."

"You don't strike me as the delicate type, Doc… just say what you're gonna say," Allie said.

Cochrane nodded. "The stress of your injuries combined with the blood loss, dehydration, and laudanum we dosed you with would have most likely prevented your natural courses from coming this month."

"So?" Allie asked confused.

"Since we last talked about this matter, you informed me that there would be no other reason for you to be in the way, mind?" Cochrane said. "I assume that hasn't changed… so far as you know?"

"So far as I know…" Allie said with a nod, but confusion evident in her voice She noticed Cochrane's sudden discomfort as she said, "Doc, you mind saving us both some time and just tell me what the fuck are you trying to imply?"

"When Charlie Utter brought you in, one of the questions Sheriff Bullock asked was about the extent of your injuries from the attack. Although he wasn't specific, I believe one of the things he was inquiring about was to the extent you might have been personally... compromised in the attack," Cochrane said at last.

Comprehension dawned in Allie's eyes as she said, "And to what extent was I 'compromised'?"

Cochrane shrugged. "I'm afraid the answer I gave him isn't much different from the one I have for you. I told him then that I really didn't know the answer to that question."

"And now?" Allie prompted.

"And now, I'm still not all that sure Your..." Cochrane paused before he continued, "Your injuries did not appear consistent with one who had been ... compromised. There was no tearing, no bruising of any kind so far as I could see. But then again, it was over a week before I actually conducted my examination of you. And, so, while I can tell you that some Sioux warrior did beat the everliving shit out of you, I can't say for certain if he took other liberties. I was hoping that you might know."

Allie shook her head, contemplating the thought. "No, I don't think so. That is to say, I don't remember anything happening, but, then again, my memory is so foggy, I don't know if I'd remember even if there was something there to remember."

Nodding, Cochrane reached into his bag and pulled out a packet of some dark colored herbs. He placed it on her bedside and said, "Just to be on the safe side, you should dose yourself with this twice a day in your tea. It's the same dosage I prescribe for the girls at the Gem as... Preventative care." He paused as he gathered up his bag and moved towards the door. He stopped as he turned to Allie and said, "I'll leave the telling of whatever it is you might want or might not want to tell Bullock to you or not, as the case may be," Cochrane said. He paused before he added, "You're going to have to keep your arm in that sling for a while, and the cast on your ankle will need another three, four weeks before we can take it off. But, if you take it easy and don't overexert yourself, it might do some good for you to get out of bed and do some moving around. Maybe get out of this room for a few minutes here and there as time… and your feelings allow."

Allie looked first to the doctor and then at the packet that Cochrane had placed on the table. Nodding slowly, Allie said, "Thanks, Doc."

Cochrane nodded once more and then grabbed his bag before exiting the room.

When Bullock came back, he looked in askance at Allie. She sighed and waved him off, forgetting about the packet of herbs which Cochrane had left. "It's nothing, Seth."

"Everything all right?"

Allie stiffly adjusted herself in bed. Nodding, she replied, "Yeah."

"What'd the Doc say?"

"Just that he's pleased with my progress and thinks it wouldn't hurt none if I got out of bed and did some moving around," Allie responded.

"So soon?" Bullock asked.

Allie shrugged. "He said I could leave the bed, and maybe the room, for a short span of time, depending on how I feel." She paused before she looked him directly in the eyes and said, "Of course, my first inclination was to ask him when would be the first opportunity that I could safely leave here."

"The house?" Bullock asked. "You want to leave the house?"

Allie shook her head as she said, "No, not just the house. The whole goddamn town."

Bullock frowned. He paused for a moment before he said, "Allie, I know you're still angry with me..."

Raising her hand, Allie pointed at him and said, "Look, I would very much appreciate it if we could not do this right now. I would very much like not to cry again because I hate fucking crying, and if, for once, you could just do as I ask… and not bring this up so we don't start talking about things that neither of us can change… things that reflect only on what's been ruined and lost, so then I'll definitely start crying again, I'd consider it a personal favor."

Bullock was quiet for a moment before he said, "All right." He paused before he said, "Do you want to sit outside for a bit? It's a beautiful day, and I think I could carry you..."

Allie looked longingly outside at the blue sky that lay just beyond the confines of her sickroom window. After several long moments had passed, she nodded. "But, then, I want to be left alone."

Bullock nodded as he moved to tuck a wool blanket around Allie's thin form. He then was very gentle to pick her up and carry her outside. Allie tried to ignore the warmth of his embrace as he carried her the very short distance to a bench that was located underneath a willow tree just outside the kitchen door.

The pair sat in silence for several minutes before Allie said at last, "It's quite beautiful here."

"Yes, it is."

Allie then turned her head from him as she said, "It's really too pretty a spot not to be abloom with all types of plants. It really is the perfect place for a garden."

She then looked up at him. There eyes locked for the briefest of seconds before Allie reluctantly turned her head and looked away.

* * *

><p>A few days later, Allie was sitting on the same bench when she heard the hoof beats of horses riding up to the house. However, when nobody came out to the back of the house to see her, she assumed it was someone who had business with Seth, and thought nothing more of it until she heard footfalls coming around the side of the house.<p>

Looking up, Allie smiled when she saw Sol Star making his way towards where she sat. Allie moved to try and stand, and sighed in frustration when she couldn't. Looking up at him, as he moved closer, she said, "I'd give you a hug, if I could, but I can't even get off of the goddamn bench without help."

Star smiled as he moved to sit beside her. "It's best if you don't try to tire yourself too much, Allie. I know that not being able to do everything you wish you could do by yourself if frustrating, but maybe it's God's way of keeping you in one place long enough to learn something."

Allie frowned. "And what would that be?"

Sol shrugged. "I don't know. I think that's what *you're* supposed to find out."

Allie's frown deepened as she narrowed her eyebrows and ignored his response. "You know, it's more than frustrating not being able to do anything by myself. Especially when I have to rely on *him* so much."

Star narrowed his eyes as Allie spat the words out. He nodded at last and said, "I know that probably isn't very easy either."

"You have no idea how much it hurts me to have to spend so much time around a man I hate so much," Allie said quietly.

Star refused to prompt Allie to continue her thoughts, as he believed she wanted him to do, and instead tried to change the subject. "Well, think of it this way – you owe me… because now you can have a brief reprieve. Seth decided to take my advice and to ride into town today to attend to some business while I agreed to sit with you."

"What'd you have to do to him to get him to agree to that?" Allie asked with suspicion evident in her voice. "Threaten him with your gun?"

"No, nothing so dramatic," Star laughed. "I just told him that if he didn't get to the store to deal with some problems we've been having with one of our suppliers, I'd have to take care of it, and we both know that my ability to deal harshly with any man is limited to me having a severe conversation with him. So, instead of making the situation worse, and then having to go to Seth to fix it anyway, I told him we should just bypass my involvement and let him handle it like he ought to from the start anyway."

Allie smiled. "You know him far too well for his own good, Sol."

"So I've been told many times before," Star said. He then paused as a more serious tone came into his voice. "Although, I'd like to think that me knowing Seth too well for his own good isn't the only person I know on such a close and personal basis."

"Oh?" Allie asked with interest.

Star nodded. "I'd like to think I know your mind fairly well, Allie - or at least I did. Which is why I've brought a visitor here to see you, Allie."

"A visitor?" Allie asked with interest.

Star nodded again, "When I was at the store yesterday, Alma Garrett came to see me and asked that I arrange a proper introduction for the two of you."

Allie's eyes widened in surprise for a moment before she said, "What would Alma Garrett want to see me about?"

"A great deal," a strange voice interrupted the pair. "If you'll spare me but a few moments."

Star looked up and nodded to Allie, "Allie, this is Mrs. Alma Garrett."

Allie looked up in both surprise and displeasure as she noticed that the widow had silently appeared out of nowhere to stand in front of the pair without Allie even noticing it. Garrett stood dressed in a deep purple walking dress that was trimmed with black lace as befitted her mourning status. She carried a basket clutched to her chest.

Allie nodded at Garrett before she said, "I'd stand to greet you properly, Mrs. Garrett, but I'm afraid that my recent maladies have made it physically impossible for me to do so."

"Please, don't overexert yourself on my account, Miss Mitchell," Garrett said.

"Don't worry, I won't," Allie muttered.

Garrett seemed to go on as if she hadn't even heard Allie's words. "And, please don't blame Mr. Star for bringing me here. I know that I may be one of the last people that you have desire to converse with during your convalescence, however, there is a great deal I would discuss in private with you if you would allow me but a short span of your time to do so."

Allie looked from Garrett to Star and back to Garrett as she sighed and said, "I don't suppose I have much of a choice now, do I?"

"Of course, the choice is yours," Garrett nodded. "If you have no desire to grant my request, I will leave immediately and let you return to your private doings." She paused before added, in an earnest voice, "But, please, I hope you'll consider my request. I think there is a great deal we could learn from each other if you'll just give me a chance."

Allie looked to Star. She was quiet for a moment before she sighed and with reluctance nodded to Star. "All right."

"You sure?" Star asked.

Allie nodded.

Standing, Sol offered his seat to Garrett. He then said to Allie, "I'll just be at the front of the house then. Holler if you need me."

Garrett smiled as he moved away to leave the two women to their privacy. Garrett was silent for a moment before she extended the basket she was carrying towards Allie.

"Mr. Star was kind enough to tell me of your delight in growing things. When he mentioned that you had started to spend a great amount of your recovery in the outside air, I thought you might enjoy having these items."

Allie reluctantly took the basket with a wearied look as she said, "Mrs. Garrett, your thoughtfulness is quite kind, but I'm not sure I can accept..."

Garrett went and took a step closer to Allie as she said, "Please, at least see what I've brought before you give it back to me."

Reluctantly, Allie opened the basket's lid and her eyes opened in surprise as she began to rummage through the basket's various contents.

"It's mostly simple seed packets and a few cuttings I was able to procure from a very helpful woman in town named Mrs. Acker who acts as the town's apothecary, but I thought it might be a start if you wanted to plant a small garden," Garrett said.

Allie was silent for a moment before she said, "It's been quite a long time since I had a garden of my own." Allie was silent for a moment before she said, "And I don't know exactly when I might have the time and chance to have one again, but I thank you for your very thoughtful gift, Mrs. Garrett."

"Alma, please," Garrett said. She paused for a moment before she said, "May I sit for a moment?"

Allie nodded, and Garrett took up the place next to Allie where Star had vacated on the bench just minutes before. The pair was silent for several minutes before Garrett at last spoke.

"Miss Mitchell, I believe from what Mr. Star... and other third parties have told me of your personality that you are an honest and straightforward person who values those same traits in other people," Garrett said.

Allie nodded.

"Then, seeing as how what I've come to discuss with you would best be served by being discussed in the most direct and forthright manner of discussion possible given its oddity of topic, and perhaps the natural discomfort which surrounds such a complicated situation, I hope you will forgive me if I put aside societal niceties and vagaries and speak plainly," Garrett said.

Allie again nodded but remained silent.

"I have felt for some time, especially since I heard of your unfortunate accident and subsequent ill health, a need to speak with you," Garrett said.

"About what?"

"If I may be so bold as to say, I've come about the personal situation involving yourself and Sheriff Bullock," Garrett said.

Allie's eyes widened for a moment, but she quickly pushed the emotion out of her voice as she spoke, "I'm afraid your very wrong, Mrs. Garrett. To put it bluntly, there is no personal situation involving myself and the Sheriff aside from the care he's extended to me during my recovery…"

"I think we both know we aren't speaking of the time he's spent nursing you in your sickroom," Garrett said.

Shrugging, Allie said, "As I said, there's no other personal situation involving myself and the Sheriff… and there hasn't been for a very, *very* long time."

Garrett pursed her lips and said, "Let us be truthful. I know that for the time when you were in residence at the Grand Central Hotel that the room in which you occupied, given its very close physical proximity to my own, may have made you privy to certain acts of private knowledge between myself and-"

Allie cut her own, the level of discomfort she felt plainly growing, "I didn't hear anything."

"And, yet, your growing agitation at my mention of the situation would seem to indicate otherwise," Garrett said.

"I-" Allie began.

However, this time it was Garrett's turn to interrupt as she said, "Please, Miss Mitchell, I'm well aware of what you know about my relationship, both professional, but especially private, with Sheriff Bullock. I did not come here to discuss the details with you as to either of those situations, quite plainly because-"

"-because, it's none of my business," Allie said. "I know that."

Garrett shook her head, "No, you misunderstand me. I did not come here to discuss the details with you as to either situation, quite plainly, because the situations involving such details no longer exist."

"Pardon?" Allie asked in confusion.

"I came here to tell you that my relationship with Sheriff Bullock is one that is no longer anything more than that of a casual friend, and has been for some weeks," Garrett said.

"You mean because he's been here, busy taking care of me, instead of in camp?" Allie asked.

Garrett shook her head. "No, quite the contrary. It actually ceased shortly before you departed from Deadwood before you were attacked by the Sioux. Since that day, both the Sheriff and I believed it would be best if another would act as my business advisor... And, as to the personal... consultations the Sheriff has hitherto assisted me with, we both determined they had long since served their purpose."

"Meaning, in plain English, if I may be so crude, Mrs. Garrett, that the Sheriff has decided that he no longer wants you as his mistress and instead has set his eyes on another," Allie said in growing agitation.

"Not exactly, no," Garrett said. "If we are speaking plainly, then it would be more apt to say that when I saw that his affections were dedicated to another woman, I could no longer bring myself to share time with him as if I believed myself to be the sole woman who had captured his affections. You see," Garrett said, "for some months before your arrival, I had harbored strong feelings of affection for Sheriff Bullock. In the recent weeks before the change in nature of our relationship, I even fancied that affection, perhaps, to have grown into a type of love."

"You're in love with him?" Allie asked evenly.

Garrett was quiet for a moment before she inclined her head, "Were it any other person but you, I would never answer such a question. However, as you and I have found ourselves in similar situations with the Sheriff, there is a unique happenstance of commonality that lays between us whether either of us would it be there or not." She then nodded and said, "Yes, I still love Seth. He is a good and honorable man, completely unlike any other individual I have ever met before. And, in our early dealings, because he differed so much from men like my dead husband, or even my father, I was greatly attracted to that strong sense of truth and moral conviction that lay at the very core of his being. I suppose it's because of that love that I've come here to see you today seeing as how as I love him, I want him to be happy, even if I can't be the person to make him feel that way anymore."

Ignoring the later words Garrett had spoken, instead Allie concentrated on the former. "And, if you still are in love with him, why did you change the nature of your relationship?" Allie asked. "Did he ask it of you?"

Garrett shook her head, "Indeed not. It was actually I who informed him that it would be best for all parties involved, given the current circumstances, if the nature of our... relationship changed."

"It was you?" Allie asked.

Garrett nodded.

"Then how can either of us be sure in whatever actions Seth might be making or not making given the fact that he is too honorable of a man to disagree with whatever your decision may have been regarding your relationship?" Allie asked.

"You mean," Garrett said with a wry smile, "how can I be sure that, given the choice, he'd rather be with you than me if he had to choose between us?"

"Yes," Allie said. "How can you be sure?"

Garrett was silent for a moment and said, "I suppose no one has spoken to you of many things that happened during the time between your departure from camp and the day Mr. Utter brought you to Doctor Cochrane?"

"No..."

"For the first three and a half days after you left, although I was witness to little of it myself firsthand given the surroundings in which his actions took place, I am told by Mr. Star, among others, that the Sheriff spent those days doing nothing but drinking whiskey in Tom Nutall's saloon," Garrett paused as she looked at Allie whose own eyes had paled in shock. Garrett then continued, "Now, I think both of us know Seth well enough to realize that he is not the type of man to get drunk in public and then stage a brawl fight in a town where he is still employed as sheriff if he had not been deeply, deeply affected by something of import, which, if I may take the liberty to assume, may have been your abrupt departure from town that coincidentally occurred just a few hours before he took his first drink?"

Allie was quiet before she said, "How much do you know about my relationship... my prior relationship with Seth?"

Garrett said, "I only know that you had known each other in your youths in Montana, and prior to his marriage to Mrs. Bullock, you and he were pledged… and that there was a great amount of true emotion on both sides behind those pledges."

Allie was silent for another moment before she said, "I first met Seth when his older sister Callie took me in after my mother died. I was fourteen. I was a poor, orphaned girl who didn't have a dime to my name. His sister and her husband took me in out of the kindness in their hearts and looked after me. I was with them for several years, and I became friends with Seth during that time. More than friends, if I'm to be as honest with you as you've been with me. I loved him, and I think, at some point, he loved me too. Then, after he received news that his brother had died in Mexico on the day of what was to have been our wedding, he left with the promise that he'd shortly return after he'd seen his brother decently buried and his brother's widow and child looked after properly. A few weeks later, Sol came by the farm with a letter from Seth informing me that I was released from our engagement as he had married his former sister-in-law. I never saw him again until I arrived here in Deadwood to conduct some business of a personal nature."

"Well, that type of betrayal would certainly explain the argument you two shared the night before you left," Garrett said. "You will forgive me for eavesdropping, but it was quite hard to do ought else given the loudness of your voices and the natural thinness of the hotel walls."

Allie shrugged.

"And so," Garrett said, "the question then remains, does the hate you seem to portend for Seth merely mask a deeper emotion which you would be ashamed to admit given the extreme wrong he has done you, or is it something else entirely?"

"I can never love Seth Bullock again," was Allie's only reply.

"And that does not answer my query now, does it?" Garrett said. "Of course, I should think the answer should be fairly obvious given the fact that the exact opposite of such strong love would indeed be apathy, not the extreme amount of hate coming from one who has felt that same series of emotion for the man in question herself."

"Let's suppose for just one minute, for pure argument's sake, if you will, that the answer to your question was 'yes'… yes, I did still love, Seth," Allie said. "What good would that do me but to bring me anything more than more heartache, and more importantly, more self-hate?"

"Self-hate?" Garrett asked.

Allie nodded. "If I still did love Seth, the circumstances which fueled our last departure still remain. He betrayed me, he married *someone* else, someone else to whom he is *still* married, and most importantly he never truly apologized for doing what he did."

"But I thought that he had said he was sorry-"

"He said he was sorry for hurting me," Allie corrected. "He never apologized for the actual doing of what he did in marrying that bitch Martha, because then, that would mean that Seth would have to admit he did something wrong, and I think it safe to say if we both know the man as each of us claims, we know that Seth *never* admits it when he is wrong."

Garrett slowly nodded, "Yes, he does have difficulty in admitting it when he is incorrect, and I can see where the other difficulties would impact your judgment as to whether to give him a second chance."

Garrett paused before she looked up and said, "Hypothetically speaking, of course, assuming that you still love him… would… would you want to be with him?"

Allie was silent for a moment before she said, "I don't know the answer to that question. I know that if I did still love him, I wouldn't know how to be with him and not hate myself for it."

Garrett nodded and said, "Although I did say I had no need to share the details of my dealings with Sheriff Bullock at the beginning of our conversation, I perhaps find myself needing to tell this one thing to you, Miss Mitchell."

"Allie..." Allie said. "Please, call me Allie."

"All right, Allie," Garrett said with a smile. "I would tell you that when I decided at last that I wished to act on my feelings for the Sheriff and decided that I wanted to be with him because of how he made me feel, I decided I could only do so if I did it on *my* terms, not his. You see, I'd spent the majority of my life being dominated by the wishes and wills of other men. I only wanted to be with him if it was a choice that was first and foremost dominated by my needs and my terms. When we came together, I think the Sheriff came to understand that about me because he saw *me* as a woman independent and in my own right. True, an independent woman who needed saving now and then, but it was because I allowed him to save me that anything truly came of our acquaintanceship in the first place. Maybe, hypothetically speaking, were you to still be in love with him and want to be with him, perhaps you would not feel such self-loathing if you were only with him if it were on *your* terms as opposed to as it has been in the past when it seems as if your relationship, as you've described it to me, was perhaps defined primarily by him?"

Garrett nodded and then stood up before she continued. "He still loves you, Allie, more than he could ever love me, no matter what… level… of… *affection* he might have felt for me at one point. We were simply two lonely people in a lonely place trying to not feel so lonely anymore. While that may have turned to love for me, it was never like that for him because he already loves you. The question is, do you still love him enough to let him back in?"

"I don't know," Allie said. "I just don't know."

Garrett nodded again, "Then perhaps I will leave you with this bit of advice. I have come to find, and the Sheriff is no exception to this, that men are inherently selfish when it comes to things they want, especially if that want fulfills simultaneously both an emotional and physical need. That can be an advantage to you should you choose to fulfill those own needs in yourself."

Allie bit her lip as she looked up at Garrett. Garrett nodded at the basket, "Perhaps a starting point to setting your own terms might be to plant your own garden?" Garrett then looked around at the small patch of land near the willow tree where Allie sat on her bench. "This really is the perfect place for a garden after all."

Nodding at the basket, Allie said, "Thank you... Alma."

Garrett inclined her head. "My pleasure, Allie."

With a final smile, Garrett then turned and made her way to the front of the house leaving Allie alone clutching the basket of seeds and with her own tumultuous thoughts.

* * *

><p>Sol stayed with Allie for two days while Bullock was unexpectedly called into town over a matter of some concern regarding the camp's attempts to achieve territorial annexation. Allie spent the majority of the time thinking about what Alma Garrett had said to her, but saying nothing to Star. Instead, the pair worked to turn the small patch of land in front of Allie's bench into a serviceable piece of land for a kitchen garden. Although Allie's injuries prevented her from doing much more than pointing out to Star how she wanted him to dig up the sod and turn under the soil, the pair had an enjoyable couple of afternoons that did much to bolster Allie's spirits.<p>

On the morning of the third day after Garrett's visit, Allie once again asked Star to help carry her out to the garden. However, instead of sitting on the bench, she asked Sol to help situate her on the outer edge of one of the garden's perimeters. She then asked for a small hand shovel as she began to plant several flower bulbs in a neat line. Despite Star's protests for Allie to take it easy, Allie was able to scoot forward enough when she was done working in one place to move on to the next bit of dirt where she wanted to place the next flower bulb.

It was in the situation that Bullock found Allie when he returned from town. Looking tired and more haggard than usual, Bullock had walked around from the front of the house and greeted Star first. They exchanged a few words before Star nodded once, called a farewell to Allie, and promptly left.

Bullock walked slowly to where Allie was working and looked down at her with a frown clearly visible on his face. Annoyed that she failed to look at him when he came to stand in front of her, it was not until Bullock noticeably cleared his throat that Allie stopped shoveling in mid-air and looked up at him with an annoyed glance.

"Yes?"

"What *are* you doing?"

Sticking the spade in the dirt, Allie eyed Bullock as she said, "I should think that is fairly obvious. I'm planting a garden."

"The Doc said that you weren't to overexert yourself in any way," Seth said. Surveying her handiwork, he gestured with his hand at the patch of dirt as he said, "Don't you think this qualifies as overexerting yourself just slightly?"

"Maybe," Allie said with a shrug, "if I had done it all myself. But, to be quite honest, Sol has been kind enough to do most of the heavy work. Really, all I've been doing is playing in the dirt."

She paused and said, "Either way, I think I'm done for now." Biting her lip, she nodded and said, "I need some help to get to the bench."

Bullock's eyes widened in surprise as he said, "You're *asking* for my help?"

Allie sighed. "Yes, and if you quite standing there like a blithering idiot, I might be inclined as to explain to you exactly why..."

"All right," Seth said evenly.

Carefully reaching down, he grabbed Allie into this arms mindful of her injuries. Gently, he walked over to the bench and helped her sit down in as comfortable a position as possible.

Allie bit her lip for a moment before she nodded at the seat next to her on the bench and said, "Why don't you sit down for a minute?"

Bullock said nothing but merely acquiesced to Allie's request. Once he was seated, Allie looked away and was silent again before she began to speak.

"Since I've been healing, there hasn't been all that much for me to do aside from think, and since I 've had so much time to do some important thinking, I thought it only fair to share a few of the conclusions I've reached regarding you."

"Me?" Bullock asked.

Allie nodded, "Yes, you."

"All right," Bullock said.

"I've spent a great majority of the past three years hating you, Seth. In some ways, hating you was the only way I couldn't completely let you go and at the same time not be so pissed off at myself for not being done with you from the start," Allie said.

Bullock remained quiet as Allie continued.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you for what you did to me, Seth, but I can't help but feel as if maybe I'm supposed to learn something from this whole situation that's still between us much as I'd like to deny that possibility. I can't help but thinking that maybe God wants me to learn something here, and until I do, no matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to get past what happened between us and move on - I've tried so hard to get away from you and then this town, but it seems that God has become quite insistent that I stop fighting Him and just learn my lesson from this whole mess. And, while I don't know what that lesson is, I'm just going to take things as they come," Allie said. She finally looked up at Seth and said, "Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"

Bullock looked at her with a serious, but also quite indiscernible look on his face as he said, "I'm not sure."

Allie couldn't help but laugh as she said, "Well, that makes me feel a bit better. I thought it was just me."

At these words, Bullock smiled. His look then turned to seriousness as he said, "Whatever it is that's still between us, Allie, I want you to know how important it is to me."

"Ahh," Allie said, "But, that then begs the important question to ask here is why is it important to *you*, Seth?"

Bullock opened his mouth to answer, but Allie waved him off as she interrupted him.

"Love isn't issue here, Seth... and maybe that's part of the lesson that I'm supposed to learn here. Maybe I'm supposed to believe you when you tell me that loving me was never a part of the problem when it came to why you left me for Martha... Maybe I'm supposed to learn that sometimes, no matter how intense and strong and passionate love can be, sometimes, in certain situations, it just isn't enough," Allie said.

Bullock was quiet for a moment, before he looked at Allie and said, "What can I do?"

Allie shrugged, "Aside from taking me inside so I can lay down, I'm really not sure, Seth. I'm really just not all that sure."

"But you're willing to let me help you to try and find out what it is you think God wants you to learn from this situation?" Bullock said.

Allie nodded slowly, "Yes, at least until I'm well."

"And then what?" Bullock asked.

"And, then, God willing, it'll be time for me to leave and go home," Allie said.

At her words, Bullock frowned again, "And where is home?"

Looking up at him, Allie said quite honestly, "Anyplace that isn't here- - anyplace that isn't Deadwood."

Bullock frowned once more, but said nothing in response, and this time, neither did Allie.

* * *

><p>Allie spent most of her days in the garden. It was clean and the air made her feel alive. It was as if she was waking up for a very long night when she had failed to ever really fall asleep. In so many ways, she felt nothing but relief. She didn't dare ascribe the word 'hope' to describe her recent feelings and general outlook on life. She was too afraid of taking that chance. After what could only be described as an epiphany-like type of conversation with Seth in the garden, Allie was still trying to figure out what to do about the man that had opened his home to her… and his heart, if she would have it.<p>

Allie still felt intense fear whenever her thoughts turned to the future. She had spent so much of her life waiting for something bad to happen, that if she waited long enough, something bad usually did occur to fulfill her fears. And, this time, Allie felt that as far as Seth was concerned, that since something so bad had happened between the two of them before, that if something else bad happened, it was bound to be ten times worse than the first time, which is something Allie knew she had to avoid at all costs. Her first instinct was to close herself off to him, remain aloof and emotionally reserved.

However, given Alma Garrett's words, which had weighed heavily on Allie's conscience, Allie knew that she at least owed it to herself to act honestly regarding what she wanted at life... That was where her compromise with Bullock had come in play - she had made a compromise with herself, hoping that by setting a deadline determined by when the Doc gave her the okay health-wise, that if nothing had come of their interactions, then despite what Garrett had said, Allie would know that nothing more would ever come of her relationship with Seth. And, perhaps, at last, that determination would allow her to finally make her peace with him and allow her to move past the significant role he had played in her life.

In the garden, although Allie wasn't quite sure that Bullock had understood what she was telling him, at least she had opened the door. Whether Bullock walked through it to see what Allie's terms were, well, Allie figured, that was all up to him, and for once, that brought Allie some measure of relief. Now, all Allie had to do was wait. The choice was no longer hers… and, in that, there was so empowerment after all.

* * *

><p>As time would have it, Allie didn't have to wait long for Seth to make his decision. Whether he did so consciously or not could be argued, but there was a notable discernment of ease between the pair after the conversation that day. Seth seemed to understand that he was working against a deadline, at the same time, Allie knowing, that, for the first time, Seth was interacting with her on *her* terms, not his, made Allie feel even stronger.<p>

The first subtle indication that there had been a change between the pair occurred during a dinner conversation. Allie had spent another afternoon working in the garden, and as she had sweat profusely, she was not smelling her best.

She frowned at herself as she sniffed her rather rank odor, and Bullock noticed. With a completely straight face, he gently scooted his chair several inches away from hers.

Allie narrowed her eyes, but ignored his movement. Instead, sniffing herself, Allie said, "What I wouldn't give for a real bath. Doc still said it'll be another month before I get this goddamn cast off so I have to be careful about washing til then."

"I'm afraid that your rather offensive smell might result in me dumping you in the horse trough sooner rather than later unless you somehow rectify it rather quickly despite that order from the Doc," Bullock said. Lifting his glass to his mouth, he paused just slightly as he inclined his head at her and said, "You may just smell more badly than any one else I have ever smelled before and that includes prisoners I've had in lock up."

Allie's eyes widened in surprise, but only for the briefest of seconds before she said, "Well, unless you're volunteering to bathe me without getting my cast and bandages wet, maybe you just need to mind you own business, Seth Bullock."

Sitting his cup down, he shrugged his shoulders as he said, "Of course, in addition to my duties as town sheriff, you may not be aware that I also hold the position of camp health commissioner, and in that office, if that's something you feel strongly about, I'd be happy to help you bathe."

Allie pointed at him in indignation as she said, "You have a warped and twisted mind, Seth Bullock."

"And you're only just now noticing that?"

Allie laughed. Her laughter caught Seth's attention, and he lifted his head towards her with his smile still in place.

"That's might gentlemanly of you, Seth, mighty gentlemanly… even if you are being a complete scoundrel in insulting my inability to look after my own hygiene given my limitations," Allied chuckled

Bullock reached for his glass as he said, "In my experience, when you're duly motivated, I've seen you quite flexibly work yourself out of worse situations than not being able to bathe on a regular basis."

"And what worse situations would that be?"

Bullock shrugged as he took another sip of water. "Let's just say that the morning that Sol and I stole your clothes from the riverbank ,and you had to chase us to get the clothes back, it wasn't my idea to give them back to you so easily."

"Why does that not surprise me?" Allie said. She then pointed at him as she said, "You are a rather deviant man, Seth Bullock."

Bullock shrugged as he moved to clear the dinner plates and merely said, "Give me a bit more time, and maybe I'll show you just how deviant I really can be."

"Oh, I know how deviant you can be- - I just ate what you cooked for dinner now, didn't I?"

Bullock's eyebrows went up in surprise, but he said nothing as he continued clearing the table.

* * *

><p>"You need to bathe, Allie," Bullock said the next day. "I wasn't just teasing you at the dinner table last night. You smell… badly."<p>

"I told you last night," Allie said. "The Doc said I can't get my plaster wet."

"Then, if you quite being a stubborn... woman, and let me help you, you can keep your leg propped up out of the water, and I can help you wash your hair and sponge around your injuries," Bullock said.

"As if I'd trust you," Allie said with a smirk. "Besides, what would I do about the bandages? They'd need to be changed straight-away, and last I checked, the Doc isn't due to come by to see me for another two days."

Bullock pointed at a basket on the far side of the room. "I stopped by his office for fresh bandages and ointment when I was in camp today. Now, will you please stop being such a prude, and let me help you get clean?"

"I am not a prude!" Allie said. She then lowered her voice as she looked away from Bullock and muttered, "And if anyone should be able to remember that fact, it's you."

Bullock stared at her. He refused to break eye contact before she finally looked away first. "Fine," Allie said. "Fine. I'll let you help me on two conditions."

"One?" Bullock asked.

"Number one is you don't get to cook dinner any more. I'm beginning to feel as if an infection doesn't do me in, your cooking just might," Allie said.

"My cooking is not that bad," Bullock said.

"Which brings us back to my earlier comment about you having a truly warped and twisted mind," Allie said. She then looked up and said, "You agree?"

Bullock shrugged, "I can always eat in town. If you'd rather starve, fine by me."

Allie narrowed her eyes as Bullock asked, "And number two?"

"Number two is that you don't get to look," Allie said.

"Look?" Bullock asked. "Look at what?"

"Me," Allie said.

"But, I've already seen-"

"Not for a long time," Allie interrupted him. "Besides which, there isn't much to be looking at anyway since I've been sick, not that there really was anything all that much to get excited about before, but all the same, I'd like to maintain some privacy." She looked up and said, "Do we have a deal?"

Bullock looked up at her as he slowly nodded. "All right." Extending his hand to her, he then said softly, "You do know that you're really quite beautiful, don't you, Allie?"

Looking at him dubiously as she clutched his hand, Allie flushed once with embarrassment before looking away.

* * *

><p>And, so the days began to settle into a certain pattern, Each day when Seth was gone for some bit of the morning, Sol came and sat with her. After Allie's initial complaints about Seth's cooking, Sol started helping her to cook enough food to last the day. Eventually, Allie took over the chore herself. In the afternoon, Allie would either lie in bed napping or reading a book while Seth did much the same. Each evening, Seth would help her out into the garden, The herb seeds and flower bulbs gradually began to sprout, much to Allie's delight. When they had finished their work, the pair often sat on Allie's bench under the willow tree just talking.<p>

Their conversations were always of simple things - how she felt, what work Seth was doing either as sheriff or in the hardware store, gossip about the camp and Bullock's concerns about the political maneuverings in Yankton over annexation, and lastly, quiet reminiscences about their shared experiences in Montana. As each day passed, Allie felt herself growing to know Seth as the man he actually was now, not the one she had remembered him to be of their youth. She also realized that they had never really gotten to know each other during their sporadic visits in Montana when most of the time they had spent together then was dominated by lustful thoughts and even more lustful actions.

By tacit agreement, the pair never spoke of Seth's marriage to Martha or his subsequent abandonment of Allie. Allie never brought up her anger about the subject, and most importantly of all, neither one of them brought of the issue of feelings - romantic or otherwise. Allie was also very careful to keep their physical displays of affection very casual, as she knew that the sexual attraction which remained unsatisfied between them ultimately signified something of major importance for the two of them. If and when that particular line was to be crossed, there was no going back, and Allie wasn't quite sure she was strong enough either mentally, emotionally, or physically to deal with that happenstance just yet… even if she wanted to...

Meanwhile, Bullock continued to demonstrate his growing affections for her - he would 'accidentally' brush his hand across her the small of her back or let his hands linger for just a moment too long when she handed him something he had asked for during meals... Eventually, he became bold enough that he would try to catch glances at her naked body as she dressed, or he would have just a bit too personal interest in caressing her thigh when he helped her to bathe.

A little over a month had passed when Seth made his most blatant movement of all. They were sitting on the bench just watching the sun set in silence when he caressed her cheek. Allie was startled and went to stand up. However, Seth's other hand gently pressed down on her thigh, keeping her in place. Cupping her face with his other hand, he leaned forward to kiss her. Allie had been thinking about how to handle this precise situation for weeks, but now that she found herself actually faced with a scenario she had gone over and over in her mind, she found herself frozen and unable to act. Allie felt a wonderful obliviousness come over her for a few endless seconds. However, when she suddenly heard a familiar pounding in her ears and a rush of warmth flood her lower body, she pulled away just as Seth started to deepen the kiss.

Turning away from him, Allie blushed but remained silent.

Seth sighed in confusion. He too was silent for a moment.

Several minutes passed before either one could look at each the other let alone speak. Finally, Seth looked at her and said honestly, "You know how much willpower it's taken me not to be around you every day and not have done what we just did before now?"

Allie looked up, blushing an even deeper shade of pink as she nodded, and then turned away.

Seth sighed again before he said, "What exactly shames you so much about me kissing you, Allie?"

Immediately, Allie looked up in protest and said, "I'm not ashamed of you, Seth… or of you kissing me."

"But-"

"But," Allie continued. "If you and I start down that road, there's no going back. And I don't know if I can take what that means just now."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning," Allie sighed. "You're still married-"

There. Allie had said it. The one topic both had never brought up even though it was the giant pink elephant whose shadow loomed over their every action ever since Allie had first come to Deadwood.

Seth didn't say anything for a moment before he quietly responded, "Meaning, I'm still married to a woman I don't love. A woman I never loved, I might add."

"To a woman who you pledged to love, honor, and cherish 'forsaking all others' in front of God and witnesses, Seth, til death do you part." Allie said. She smiled a little bit sadly as she said, "And that 'forsaking all others' includes me, Seth, whether you want to admit it or not."

"But, that doesn't matter to me anymore," Seth said. "And almost losing you was what it took me to realize that."

Allie sighed. "What would you have me do, Seth? Run away with you? To always be looking over my shoulder for Martha to appear demanding to know why I stole her husband? Or, maybe, I'll see that little boy grown to a man one day asking me, in anger, what type of whore was I to steal the only man he ever really knew as his daddy?"

"It doesn't have to be like that," Seth said quietly. "Not here, anyways. Not in Deadwood."

"Until Martha comes," Allie said. "And then what?"

"I don't know," Seth said in frustration. "But, what I do know is the minute Doc Cochrane walked out of his office a month and a half ago, and he told me you were still alive after all that happened, I swore to myself I would put things right between us, Allie."

"Doing what exactly?" Allie said. "By suddenly going against every fiber of your being and doing the selfish and dishonorable thing?" She grabbed his hand and held it for a moment as she looked into his eyes and said, "Is that what you're saying? Are you saying you're going to divorce Martha, leave her boy fatherless, and marry me just because you've suddenly gotten a bit uncomfortable over the fact that I'm suddenly back in your life and you can't have me? Because if that's what this is about, if it's just about you being able to have me one more time, a quick fuck will easily remedy that."

"This isn't just about a quick fuck," Seth said. "You're not like that to me."

"Then what am I, Seth?"

He paused before he said softly, "You're the woman I love, and I want you in my life, Allie."

"But not as your wife?" Allie prodded.

Seth slowly shook his head as he reluctantly looked away from her. "No... not as my legal wife. I- my name is the one thing I can never give you, Allie."

She quickly withdrew her hand from is as if she had been burned. Turning away, she was quiet again. However, Seth refused to let distance separate them once more. He forcefully reached for her, twisting her around to face him on the bench. "I can't marry you, Allie, but that doesn't mean I can't love you. And I would give you a home and family and be by you always if you'd have me."

Allie was quiet for a minute before she said, "You know, that's all I ever wanted from you, Seth. And, now, here you are, albeit three years late, offering it to me on a silver platter, with just one minor inconvenience. You're not willing to marry me." Looking up at him, she caressed his cheek as she said, "You know, when I was growing up, I never knew who my daddy was."

Seth nodded slowly.

"My mama always had to keep us on the move. Otherwise, folks got the wrong idea and her and about us. They figured if she had one bastard child, more wouldn't hurt, since a whore is a whore," Allie said. "If I stayed with you, that's what I'd be doing to my children... The one thing I swore I would never do. I would be condemning any children I had with you to a life without the security having a father means. They would be no better than the nameless bastard I was, and that is something I refuse to do to any child of mine."

"You know I'd take care of you, always, Allie," Seth said. "I'm not leaving you. And if we have children, I'd do anything I had to do to ensure their happiness, well-being, and safety."

"But only as far as can be done without the sanctions of marriage and the legal protection of your name, Seth?" She paused a moment before continuing, "I'd rather have died on that trail at the hands of those heathen Sioux than live to see any child of mine brought into this world always having to think that their mother wasn't a good enough woman for their father to marry. That she was no better than a whore, Seth, because that's what I'd be if I stayed with you. You can call it whatever you want... Lover - mistress - quick fuck. But, bottom line, I'd be no more than what those girls in the brothels are. I might as well march straight into the Gem and offer my services to Al Swearengen, because at least then I'd make a bit of money off of it, because if I stayed with you, I'd be nothing more than your personal whore."

"I'd kill anyone dead who I heard call you that," Seth said through a clenched jaw, Allie's words having stirred his anger.

Allie smiled again softly as she said, "Doesn't mean it wouldn't be true."

"I love you," Seth said again.

Allie nodded, "I know that now... I was a fool to ever doubt it."

"And I'm not letting you go again," Seth said.

Allie said sadly, "Don't you understand, Seth? I'm not yours to not let go."

He nodded at her, eyes raised wide open, "That's a mistake I made once, Allie. I don't intend on making it again. If it eases you mind to think that, then by all means. But, I tell you here and now, the only way I'll let you go is if I'm dead." He paused and nodded at her, "Somehow, we'll find a way to make this work." He then added stubbornly, "I take care of my own, Allie, you've just got to trust me."

Allie shook her head. "I can't... Not with this."

"Then we won't have any children," Seth said. "I don't care. But I want you with me."

"No," Allie continued. "And, if you fight me on this, Seth, I'll leave tomorrow morning first thing."

"Now don't go saying stupid things, Allie. You're not completely healed yet. Leaving now would only do more harm than good in your recovery," Seth protested.

"Then don't do anything to make me leave," Allie said. "I love being here with you, but you've got to understand that I can only be with you if it's on my terms, not yours. Please," she said, looking up at him. "Please, don't force my hand."

"You're forcing mine," Seth said.

Allie laughed, "And how's that?"

"Because," Seth said, "You know as soon as I touch you again, as soon as you're in my bed, there's no turning back from that." He paused, suddenly realizing the meaning of Allie's earlier words. "That's what you meant," Seth said at last. "You think as long as you keep me at arm's length, both physically and emotionally, that you'll be able to leave me when you're up and well."

Allie turned her head away from him as she stood on wobbly feet.

"I'm suddenly very tired, Seth," Allie said as she began to hobble towards the house. "I'm going to bed."

She paused before she looked up at Seth who was still sitting on the bench. "As soon as Doc Cochrane says I'm well, I'll be leaving here, Seth. I've tried to make that clear to you from the start. I'm sorry thing's aren't different, but for both our sakes', that's just how it has to be."

* * *

><p>It was shortly after that particular conversation that the nightmares that Allie had been having since the attack started to get worse. Most nights, Allie was able to wake herself up before she screamed, or, in the very least, she woke herself up before her screams traveled down the hall to Seth's room. He had taken to sleeping there on a cot that Sol had brought from the hardware store and so he had no idea of the images that haunted Allie on a nightly basis.<p>

In a way, she had gotten used to having the nightmares since they weren't a new phenomena to her. She had suffered from nightmares for most of her life. First, after her mother had died, and then after Seth had left her the first time, they had continued on a regular basis. After the attack, the nightmares had been fairly simple… blackness as the sounds of the horse crying out in pain as the sound of arrows broke through the silence of the starry night. In the dreams, Allie had never seen her attackers face, and perhaps that was why the nightmares weren't as extreme as Allie knew they could have been. However, after that conversation with Seth, the nightmares began to change. At first, Allie couldn't remember why she would wake up screaming. Then, as she continued to have the same nightmare, a dream where Martha Bullock would tear a screaming child from Allie's arms before she threw her out of house and then a mob ran her out of Deadwood, Allie began to remember and to understand the source of her subconscious' latest fears.

Before their conversation, Allie had never really considered having children of her own, let alone with Seth, but combined with Doc Cochrane's observations on the same matter, it wasn't surprising that the issue seeped into her subconscious.

The nightmares varied slightly - sometimes Allie wouldn't see Seth there. Sometimes she knew he was dead, and she was alone. In other variations of the nightmare, Seth was alive and well, but he wanted nothing to do with her. During those nightmares, Seth would inevitably declare his love and desire to be a true husband to Martha, or he would take up again with Alma Garrett. And, each time, she would see someone taking the child away from her.

It was on a truly hideous night when the weather was particularly bad, that for the first time, Allie began screaming loudly enough so that her cries did wake Seth up.

Combined with the lightening and thunder, Seth hadn't really been asleep anyway when he heard Allie start screaming. Grabbing his gun, he ran to her room only to see no intruder as he had originally expected. Instead, he saw her thrashing in the bed, tears streaming down her red face despite the fact that she was clearly asleep. He couldn't understand all her words through the various random screams and her sobbing, but he did manage to discern a few of her words. Words that seemed eerily similar to mutterings she had raved during her fever weeks before. When she screamed for him a final time, Seth moved to the bed, and pulled her into his arms.

Gently shaking her, Seth said, "Allie, wake up."

She screamed again.

"Allie!" Seth said more harshly with an accompanying shake.

This was enough to jolt her awake. Not quite sure what was still a part of her dream and what was a part of her reality, Allie looked wild-eyed at the man holding her. She bit her lip before questioning, "Seth?"

He nodded, shushing her as she began to cry again.

"You left me," Allie sobbed immediately. "You left me all over again"

Seth hugged her tight as he told her, "How many times do I have to tell you I'm never leaving you ever again? How many times do I have to tell you before you believe me?"

Allie shook her head. "You left me, you left me," Allie repeated. Even in her grogginess, Allie knew better than to mention the part of the nightmare where Seth had taken their child out of Allie's arms and given the baby to Martha. "How could you do that to me? You promised me you'd never leave me, but you did anyway. You promised," Allie wailed.

Somewhat confused, Seth let Allie continue her groggy rant. He began to gently rock her, stroking her hair as he rubbed her back. Allie continued to cry, "You left me. And there wasn't anything I could do about it."

"Hush," Seth soothed.

"Why?" Allie said, pulling away. "Why did you lie? Why did you tell me you loved me? That'd you'd always protect us when you knew it wasn't true - when you knew it was just a lie?"

Slowly, Seth pulled away just enough so that he looked directly into her eyes as he said in earnest, "I swear to God, Allie, I swear to God, I've never lied to you, and I never well. I'll do anything you want me to to prove it to you. Just please, let me set things right with you."

"I don't know how, Seth," Allie whispered. "I'm so scared of you."

Seth shook his head, "Oh, no, Allie. Please don't be. Anything else, but not that."

"I only feel fear when I'm around you now, Seth," Allie said. "And I am so very tired of always feeling nothing but afraid."

"Then let me help you feel something else," Seth offered.

Allie looked up at him, and she wasn't really surprised, but more startled than anything else when Seth leaned in to kiss her. She tried to fight him, tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let her.

He deepened the kiss, whispering to her, "Stop being afraid, Allie. Stop fighting me. Let me in. Please, let me in."

Her answer was subtle, significant of her resignation to the fact that she had so long and so hard fought against the inevitable. Their meeting had been preordained, each one's actions bringing them to this time, this place, where the only thing that mattered, the only thing that existed, was each for the other.

Allie was shy at first, insecure about her attractiveness. She was hesitant, and that hesitancy translated itself to a stiffness that Seth could sense. He broke apart from her long enough to whisper, "Allie, you've got to breathe."

In-taking a swift breath, Allie lowered her head and remained unresponsive once more as Seth caressed her arms and back with a tenderness that surprised even Allie. She felt goose bumps rise over each place where his skin touched her despite the layer of cotton that separated them in the form of her shift.

She stiffened once again and Bullock sighed. "You were more relaxed the night that we did it the first time."

Allie bit her lip as she shrugged. "I wasn't as nervous then. I didn't know what you were going to do."

Seth smiled, "And, now, you think you know exactly what I'm going to do?"

"Well, maybe not exactly," Allie said, "But I've got a pretty good idea."

"And?" Seth asked.

"And-" Allie let her voice trail off.

"Are you still doubting this?" Seth asked at last. "Doubting us?"

"No," Allie said softly. "It's just that... Well, it's been a long time since a man's touched me like that. And I'm afraid I may be even less satisfying to you now than the first time we did this."

"You could never be displeasing to me, Allie," Seth said.

Allie shook her head. "I'm a lot older than I was the last time we did this, Seth. And, I don't look the same."

"I know what you look like, Allie, and I still think you're beautiful," Seth replied.

Allie raised an eyebrow as she said, "Looking at me with the eyes of a lover is a lot different than looking at me with the eyes of a man who merely nursed a sick woman back to health."

Seth smiled. "Well, I'm looking at you with the eyes of a man who was at one time your lover, and as a man who has fervent hopes that he will be so again in short consequence."

He moved forward and gently pushed one of the straps of Allie's shift off of her shoulder, exposing the her pale skin. Allie shuddered as he looked at her and bent his head to her shoulder blade.

"Breathe, Allie," Seth whispered just before his lips touched her soft skin. She felt herself shudder as she felt his warm breath on her skin before the rough bristles of his mustache brushed across her collarbone. He began to trail a sequence of kisses down her uninjured arm, careful of not pushing her too far, too quickly. "Breathe," he whispered again.

Allie closed her eyes, her head rolling back in pleasure as Seth dipped his head lower, his lips just grazing over the flesh of a breast which was peaking out from behind the folds of her shift that gathered at her midsection. His hands heretofore not a part of the ministrations which Seth had been paying to Allie, he slowly reached up and pushed the other strap of her shift off her wounded arm. The arm was still sheathed in bandages, and Allie winced as Seth tried to pull the piece of clothing down.

He smiled up at her as he said, "Allie, you're going to have to help me a bit. I don't want to cause you any more discomfort than I already have."

Feeling a bit of confidence come back in to her being, Allie sat up and came on her knees, allowing the shift to fall down to her knees. She leaned forward and whispered, "There are sometimes easier ways of doing things."

"So I see," Seth responded as he reached up and pulled her warm body tightly against his, enjoying the feel of her unclothed breasts pressing up against him. "You're wrong to be afraid," he said at last. "No matter what you looked like, you'd always be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Turning her neck, Allie gave Seth better access to her upper body. He began to kiss her again, this time trailing kisses down to her upthrust breasts. Her eyes opened in surprise when he brushed a kiss against one erect nipple, his hands slowly kneading and massaging at the same time. He looked up and smiled at her. "Breathe," he coaxed again.

Allie in-took a sharp breath as Seth reached up to her head and pulled loose the tie that held her thick hair in an unkempt braid. He ran his fingers through her hair so that it soon fell down her back sending further goose bumps along her spin. His warm hands playing up and down her back, Seth gently pressed them down on the bed. Allie breathed another sharp breath of pain when Bullock accidentally rolled them so that her hurt arm was underneath them. Allie felt tears prick her eyes, and Seth immediately shifted them so that they lie spooning with her good arm resting on her hip.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I guess this is going to take some more doing than I thought."

Moving carefully so that Allie moved only herself, she adjusted herself so that she was soon straddling Bullock.

"I think we'll make more progress if we work together," Allie said.

Seth nodded.

"Tell me what to do," Seth breathed.

Allie leaned down, and kissed the hollow of his neck, the scratchiness of his stubble irritating her skin as he had not shaved recently. She moved her head so that her lips nibbled on his ear for a moment before she whispered, "You're going to have to help me with your clothing."

Almost as if he had forgotten that he was still wearing his clothes, Bullock looked at her and nodded.

She leaned back so that she was resting perched against his thighs. Sitting up, Bullock quickly pulled off his suspenders and immediately pulled off his white shirt, not even bothering to unbutton it. Allie laughed. "In a hurry?"

Seth grinned. "Just want to spend the time doing things more enjoyable than unbuttoning a goddamn shirt."

Allie nodded, aware of the growing pressure which rested against her leg, restrained by the cloth of Bullock's trousers. She shifted her bottom a bit, purposely grinding her pelvis against Seth's groin. He moaned as he immediately pulled her down to him.

"Now that's not fair," he murmured.

"Maybe not," Allie said with a grin. "But I'm not moving so you're going to have to think of another way to get your pants off."

Bullock raised his eyebrows and smiled. "That a challenge?"

"Consider it one," Allie retorted.

With a fluid movement, Seth rolled them over in the opposite direction. Allie moved her injured arm so that it was extended straight out over the edge of the bed, out of the way of the focus of Bullock's new efforts. He quickly tried to unbuckle his belt and slid his pants down his legs, but Allie laughed as she clasped her own legs around his waist, preventing him from successfully completing his task.

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow as he said, "Now you're just being difficult."

"Maybe," Allie said with another smile. "You going to do anything about it?"

Bullock didn't responded verbally, but moved one of his hands swiftly down Allie's belly. He moved his hand so quickly that she didn't realize where he had moved it to exactly until she felt a light pressure between her legs. She immediately squirmed as Bullock lightly teased her. His efforts were rewarded when she felt a flood of moisture between her legs.

"Now... who's not playing fair?" Allie whimpered as she loosened her grasp against Bullock's waste.

Within a few seconds, Seth expertly divested himself of his belt and pants and also pushed Allie's shift out of the way. Rolling the pair over so that they were spooning, Bullock kissed Allie's neck as he reached down and adjusted himself so that they were in the most comfortable position given his goals and her injuries.

"Allie, you're going to have to help me a bit," Seth repeated.

Taking his meaning, Allie lifted her hips just a bit. By the time she felt Seth slide into her, Allie gasped another swift breath.

"Keep breathing," he whispered.

She nodded. "Move," she begged.

Grinding her hips against him at the same time Seth thrust forward, Allie felt her heart skip a beat each time she felt Seth push a bit deeper into her. Using every muscle she could, she clenched as hard as she could to keep him in place as he continued to thrust.

The pair continued to move, sweat and the smell of sex pervading the cool air of the night as the storm continued to rage on outside.

Bullock suddenly stopped for a moment, surprising Allie. She looked up at him as she said softly, "What is it?"

Seth looked at her, eyebrows raised, "Stop fighting me, Allie..."

"What?"

"Don't fight me," he moaned into her ear.

"But, I'm not-" Allie was cut off as Bullock

It took Allie a moment before comprehension dawned. "Seth, just let go."

"No," he said through a clenched jaw, making it clearly obvious to her that he was a lot closer to climaxing than she. She also guessed that it was taking all of his will power not to let himself go.

Allie reached her head and kissed him on the jaw as she whispered to him, "Just let go, Seth."

"I told you," Seth growled. "I'm not the one who is being the problem. Now, please," he whispered in her ear. "Please, just this once, stop fighting me..."

Allie pulled away from him for a moment, and she winced as she felt the distance between them separate just enough so that she could feel him pull out of her slightly. However, Bullock was quicker, moving forward at the same time, and also using his hands to wrap around her waist. He thrust again at the same time one hand snaked between Allie's legs and again began to touch and tease her in a way that was evoking unexpected reactions for Allie as this particular technique was something new when she compared Seth's previous lovemaking that they had shared in Montana all those years ago with her present experience. It took only a few more strokes combined with two or three more thrusts before Allie somewhat unwillingly felt the knot in her belly tighten once more and then vibrate quite fast in a series of sudden pulses. The world spun once, and she heard Seth grunt behind her before she felt him explode in a gush of warmth inside her.

For several minutes afterward, only the sound of their ragged breaths mingled with the overhead sounds of thunder and lightening. After a time, Allie reluctantly shifted so that she felt Seth withdraw leaving her feeling unusually empty. Carefully, she rolled herself over so that she lay draped over Seth's sweaty chest. Looking up at him, she smiled. He smiled.

Several more moments passed in silence, before Seth said quietly, "What are you thinking about?"

Allie bit her lip before she said, "Nothing... Everything."

"Do you regret this?" Seth asked softly.

Allie lifted her head. "No." She looked at him directly before asking in return, "Do you?"

"God, no," Seth said. "For the first time in as long as I can remember, this is the only time I've ever taken what I wanted and not had it taken away in turn. It's just that-"

"What?"

"It's just that, even during sex, I find it incredibly frustrating that you're fighting me, Allie," Seth said.

Allie looked away for a moment before she said, "I didn't mean to, but I just can't help it."

"It's okay," Bullock said. "For now, I'll take what I can get."

"Oh?" Allie said.

Seth nodded. "Yes, for now, at least."

"And then?" Allie asked.

Bullock shrugged. "And then, I don't know. All I do know that right now, I feel more happy than I have in a real long time."

"Really?" Allie said.

Bullock nodded.

"Good," Allie responded as she laid her head back down on his chest and drifted off to sleep.

Seth reached down and gave her one last kiss on the head before he too slept peacefully as he had for the first time in as long as he could remember.

* * *

><p>~The End~<p> 


End file.
